I need advice on getting over the ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
I need advice on getting over the ex
21
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 2:56pm
Hi everyone. I'm new to this, so please bear with me. I was browsing through some articles and noticed this message board--I'd really appreciate getting some advice on how to get over my ex. Here's my story...

We met and were good friends for about a year...we eventually became really close and realized we wanted to try and be with each other. One problem--he lived in PA, I live in MI. We still managed to grow even closer...we talked every day, basically all day. He became my best friend. But for some reason I was scared and kept some important things about my life (I don't want to go into detail) hidden from him...I also always told him that I'd come visit but never got around to it--although he never came to see me either. After about 7 months of this, we started having problems. He got fed up with me refusing to come see him. He broke it off and I was devastated...especially since he met a new girl right away. Well, I did my best to get him back...I told him I'd come see him and we could talk about it, etc...he kept discouraging me, but at the same time, told me that he still cared about/loved me and that he was only with the new girl because "she was there and it was easier than trying to work things out with me."

It gets worse...he eventually found out what I had kept hidden from him all this time and flipped out. He then decided to share some very unappealing things about himself that HE had kept from me--he had been with numerous other girls (while we were supposedly together), etc. You would think that with all this lying, I would be able to get over it. But I can't...even despite all the bs/lying we both did, I still feel for him. I still want to be with him and I'm still jealous about this other girl.

For awhile, he was pretty upset with me...he flat out refused to talk. But then he started sending me random text messages/IM's every once in awhile...and we've talked a couple of times. He's told me that he's in love with this other girl...but still cares about me and misses me, etc. He said that he feels like I need to "redeem" myself to him because I lied. I've been trying to show him that I care and that I'm sorry...and it seems like he's always giving me false hope. I don't understand why he still contacts me--maybe he just doesn't want to be forgotten. I always think that maybe he wants to be friends, but then I just end up feeling disappointed.

Part of me knows that I shouldn't put up with this anymore...but another part of me feels so guilty about lying to him that I feel like I deserve it. I want to be his friend...I still see the good in him despite everything. For awhile I tried to pretend like I didn't care, and didn't respond to any of his attempts to contact me. But then I got tired of it...and gave in. I know I need a clean break...but I still feel as though letting go of him would be a mistake. I don't want to have anymore regrets. I know that if I let him out of my life now, it will be for good...and I don't know if I'm ready for that.

I'm only 19, so I know I'm young and foolish and will get over it eventually, blahblahblah...but HOW? When will I stop feeling like I need him in my life? When will I be strong enough to let go and ignore his messages/calls? I know there's no chance of us ever being together again...but I'd still like to be his friend--or is that impossible?

Thanks guys.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 2:46pm
Thank you for your words of encouragement :) It means a lot...

There's not much to post about right now--maybe that's a good sign? I just got back from a fun weekend with some of my girls, and I haven't spoken to the ex at all. I haven't even attempted to contact him in any way...so I'm pretty proud of myself for that. I also met some fun guys this weekend (nothing special), and that gave me hope...I've started to realize what I've been missing out on by wasting my time moping around because of the ex. There are good guys out there...they're tough to find, but once I find one, I'm going to snatch him up :) But for now I'm just having fun and moving on with my life!

Take care and good luck with everything with you as well.

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