I need advice, Please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2004
I need advice, Please help
1
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 1:25pm

I am new to this board I posted a few days ago for the first time, I really need some advice and I figured that since the people here don't know me personally they may be able to offer adivce. Family and friends are one-sided in situations like these.

My now ex cheated on me a fews months back and got another women pregnant, As soon as I found out he cheated I made him move out of my home but I continued to deal with him off/on. I did not find out about the pregnancy until a few weeks ago. I told him that we can never get back together and I will not except his other child, He always apologizing saying he made a big mistake and tells me how much he loves me (supposely)he always buying me gifts and taking me out places thinking that will make everything alright.

My biggest problem is I really love him we have a 9 month old little boy together and its hard for me to just let go, I still except his calls gifts and money, even though I am constantly telling him we can't have anything together. I know I should refuse his gifts and money but its hard. He asked me could we spend New Years together and I did not say anything. Today is his birthday I did not call him and he called me at work and thats when I said happy birthday. How can I just let go cold turkey, I am so tired of this emotional roller coaster I am on.

Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this? Any advice would help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 3:23pm
Have the two of you sat down and talked at all? Has he given you any explanation or anything as to why he did this to you? Not that that would excuse anything; but when my boyfriend cheated on me; I wanted details; how long it had been going on; whether he saw a future with her or not; etc. I think you need time to just let all of this sink in; you are probably still in shock about the whole thing and are not going to be thinking clearly enough to decide if you even what to work things out with him or not. He needs to leave you alone and respect your space and give you some time to think things through. This is not a situation that will solve itself overnight and he needs to figure out what led him to this and you need to decide if this relationship is worth saving or not. I have to warn you; not to just give him back your trust right away; this is a major betrayal and you both need to treat it that way; he cannot just expect to say sorry and move on like nothing happened. This is unfair to you and belittles your relationship with him. If he truely loves and respects you then he will give you time to heal and move on with your own life if that is what you chose to do; he needs to leave you alone right now and give you time. You also have a right to some answers from him. He needs to be honest with you and you need to be honest with him about your feelings before this happens. Good luck and God Bless.