i need all the support i can get....
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i need all the support i can get....
| Sat, 02-11-2006 - 4:13pm |
My boyfriend just broke up with me two days ago. I was completely blindsided. Had no idea it was coming. He lives about an hour away, and the conversation began with figuring out what days I have off from work next week so we can spend time together, and ended with him breaking up with me. I'm so upset, i don't know what to do with myself. We were together for almost a year and a half. We broke up once before for almost a month but got back together. His reasoning for breaking up with me is that he's not sure that the relationship was going anywhere. He said that as much as he loves me, and how good we were together, that things between us were going great (actually, better than before), he doesn't see us having a future together. (I'm trying SO hard not to cry while typing this!!!) He thinks we may have hit our limit and the relationship probably wouldnt go any further. In my head, I know that at least he was honest. He could have strung me along for months or years and not said anything. But he wanted to be fair to me. And I know in my head that I shouldn't want to be with someone who isn't sure about being with me. I deserve better, he's not the one.....etc. etc. I KNOW ALL THIS. I've been talking to family and friends about it and they all say the same thing. I understand all that. But I'm just SOOO hurt right now. I miss him so much. I love him so much. I thought that he was "the one". We had so much fun together, we were so good together, everyone thought that we were going to get married,it was just a great relationship. And now it's over. I know I have to grieve and cry and just go through all the emotions, but i feel like i can't do this. I know I have my family to lean on and they're really supportive but they all live far away. I don't have too many close friends that I can talk to about it. I just miss him. I want to be with him. I want him to change his mind but I know I can't do anything about that. He says that he needs time and space to think. That he needs to do this for himself. This breakup wasn't about something I did, or because the relationship was bad (cuz it wasn't). It's something he needs to do for himself right now. Again I understand and respect that. But right now I feel like I'm having the biggest battle between my head and my heart..... my head understands but my heart......it doesn't want to believe that it's really over. We have so much love for each other. Part of me thinks that we'll get back together and i hate that because I'm sure it's just false hope. This is so hard!!! If anyone out there could reply with anything, I'd really appreciate it. I need all the support I can get because I'm having a really awful time with this. Thanks for reading.

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Girl! I'm here for you... I am in the same stage as you now. I just broke up (I guess?) with my guy via email yesterday (we're long distance).
Just background real quick, I have been dating this guy for almost 2 yrs as well, we haven't seen each other as much as we would like, but his work prevents most of that (he works insane hours and weekends lately... hard to coordinate meeting, etc.) Anyway, I just found out he has been talking to another girl (she lives away from him too) and reading what she writes to him is like a knife thru my heart- sweetie, "hi love", "I know we might not be able to see each other b/c of your job...." - the same crap I tell him.
Anyway, so I felt i had to break it off and IT'S SO HARD. I didn't want to. I know how you feel right now... I cry on the way home from work, cry re-reading emails to each other and cry myself to sleep. All my friends say the same thing to me as yours do- this is for the best, you know if he was the one he wouldn't let you feel this way, he will come crawling back, you are so x,y,z, he doesn't deserve you... and you're right- even though everyone can tell you these things 90x, you still feel like garbage!
So hang in there, we can help each other. There will be light at the end of the tunnel, we will survive, it can't be this bad forever, ya know? (I'm trying to tell myself these things.) Just give him the space he supposedly wants and see what happens (easier said than done, I know). You're not alone!
Ugh, I am so sorry. I know exactly how you are feeling. Unfortunately, there is nothing anyone can say to you to take the pain away...I figured that out around day 4. I am on day 10 right now, and I am starting to feel better...really, it is amazing to me how each passing day things change inside of me, what I am feeling and thinking. I know I will have bad days and good days in the future...today happens to be a good day, but who knows about tomorrow.
The best thing you can do right now is not call, give the space he wants, let the dust settle. I know it feels like each day that goes by is a huge amount of time to not be with him, but it's not...mine ended the last phone call with me asking what the next step was, to not talk, be friends, etc...and he said he didn't know, that he would call when he is in a better place...whatever that means. That was 8 days ago.
To get through it, I have been trying to keep myself busy, FORCE myself to do things, even if I don't feel like it, and it is helping. I have super cleaned my house, steam cleaned the carpets. I just went on a shopping spree and spent $500 on new clothes...and I know it's sick and twisted, but while shopping, I kept looking for things that I would want to wear if I ever saw him again...I know that's probably not healthy, but it did let me feed in to my sense of false hope. I think it's ok to hang on to false hope when it helps you get though it a little. The false hope will fade away too I think...I don't know.
You are not alone, know that...if getting your heart broken kills people, then no one would be here. It's like that movie "Under the Tuscan Sun" - when her husband leaves her for another woman, she says how she is surprised at how divorce doesn't actually kill you, good or bad as that may be.
I also found - please don't flame me for this, just being honest - for the first 4 days, I had to take 2 tylenol PM's so that I could fall asleep without my brain spinning and spinning...but the mornings are still hard. I know it will go away though, it has before and it will again. The body wants to heal itself, and so does the heart...
Hi there,
Today seems to be an unusually bad day... I know it's technically only day 3, but this is so tough. And for me, I think the weekdays will be harder because we would talk via email during weekdays.
I don't have the urge to email/text/call which is good, but it's also because I've done all that and gotten no response from him. And that kills me even more- the fact he can be so cold-hearted to not respond when I'm reaching out to him. My friends say right there is enough to show you his true feelings. At this point he should be kicking and screaming to make me stay, but he's not.
I have kept a little busy with cleaning and stuff, but I've also been doing a whole lot of nothing- laying on the couch, reading, eating, whatever. Everything I hear on the radio, see on TV, see while out and about reminds me of him even if it's not related.
And no, I will not criticize you for the Tylenol PM's! ha. Nighttime is bad, but so is the morning when there's the realization that the same problem exists right back where you left it the night before.
Thanks for being here!!
Hello Ladies,
I feel your pain, tomorrow it will be 6 weeks since my world just collapsed, out of nothing, didn't see it coming, anyways. There will be good days, there will be bad days. My problem was that we lived together so now I'm in a huge place with a large mortage, but it's only money right??? I try to tell myself that this is for the better, keep thinking that better now than when we were married and had kids. The most important things is to keep busy, vut him out of your life, no texts, no emails, no phone calls, because at least for me; every time he sends me a text I am brought back to that sad place, get a little bit of false hope, but then I ask myself; what would he really have to tell me?? That he doesn't love me, that he never can be with me, that he just needs space, whatever it may be, it won't make me feel any better, so I put the phone down. Do whatever makes you happy, I know me saying these things won't probably make you feel better, just know that you deserve better. This is what I got sent to me when this happened to me and i keep it next to my phone to keep me from calling :
LET IT GO!
There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if > they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. > And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's > part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the > dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's > over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's > the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm > hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me > to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't > need it. > Stop begging people to stay. > Let them go!! > If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was > never intended for your life, then you need to...... > LET IT GO!!! > If you are holding on to past hurts and pains .... > LET IT GO!!! > If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your > worth..... > LET IT GO!!! > If someone has angered you ....... > LET IT GO!!! > If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...... > LET IT GO!!! > If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...... > LET IT GO!!! > If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new > level...... > LET IT GO!!! > If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....... > LET IT GO!!! > If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help > themselves...... > LET IT GO!!! > If you're feeling depressed and stressed > LET IT GO!!! > If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling > yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you > need to...... > LET IT GO!!! > Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new > thing for 2006 !!! > LET IT GO!!!
"Never make someone a priority when they only make you an option"
-Sara
Hi all,
All your stories are so familiar, its like I am living it. Oh wait, I am. Just want to say that its been three weeks for me since my ex said chose another girl over me and not even bother to tell me that it just didn't work out with us. I mean, nothing. Its like we never existed even though it was a year. I never saw it coming, and my days are like a roller coaster. Today is a good day though. Its cool to know that others out there feel my pain. Its hard to explain to friends who are not going through the same thing. They just tell you, oh you'll get over it, but sometimes you just want to share with someone who feels your pain.
Hope you guys will be fine, I am working on feeling better myself.
Hello Ladies,
I know the pain you're feeling as well, I just ended a 1 1/2 year relationship a few weeks ago.
to lilj5
your not alone every one here feel same thing like your feeling right now!!! and stop worrying about other people think do what ever best for you thats my advise and first thing remember this my friend the only person would know if your exbf/bf loves you is YOU your self..<<>>
GOD BLESS YOU AND MORE POWER....I WISH LUCK FOR YOU AND LIKE I SAID STAY POSITIVE!!!!
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