I need closure !

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
I need closure !
3
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 10:31am
This guy has been calling me from time to time, and keeps saying we'll go out together, but won't set a date. This has been going on for 2 months and I'm tired of waiting and hoping. I have this almost irresistible urge to call him and tell him that I'm done waiting - that would give me closure and help me move on. On the other hand,if I don't call him and just try to get him out of my mind, there'll always be the chance he'll call again, maybe in a month, and I'd still be waiting around after all. What would you do ?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 10:42am

You don't need closure, you want it. Closure is highly overrated anyway, I personally don't put any stock in it at all.

I'm just wondering why you're essentially putting your life on hold for some guy who it seems will never step up to the plate. (Yes, you are.) Is he the only man alive? Last time I checked, he wasn't and I don't even know the dude.

You don't need to do anything except BLOCK his number from your phone. That's what a real woman would do, one in control of her life, one who won't put up with wishy-washiness, one who has her stuff straight, one who knows her worth and that her time is valuable. Is that you? Well, then, go on ahead and block him.

An even stronger woman would watch his number come up on her caller ID (don't say you don't have it, everyone does) and let it ring, maybe even press 'ignore'. How about them apples? Try it sometime, you might like it. You wouldn't *believe* how much more empowering THAT is. Much more so than having some cliche conversation with a man about how you "don't have time for this" when clearly, you've just made time to tell him.

Come on, lady, it's time to take charge of your life.

Good luck,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 11:29am
Sandra, I agree with what you said and I would love to be able to hit ignore when he calls.
I just cant get past the thought that he is never going to call.
How can I feel empowered when he left me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 11:58am

.....I just cant get past the thought that he is never going to call. How can I feel empowered when he left me?".....

It's a matter of talking yourself into something. When my ex and I broke up, I thought he'd never call. Well, actually I had told him not to call me, but still, boys don't listen ;)

I had to convince myself that he was just too hurt and upset and had as little to say to me as I had to say to him. It's a battle of wills, you against you. I don't recall how long you and your ex have been broken up, but if it's less than a month or two, there's a very good chance, even a great chance, he will call you. The less you make a peep about contacting him, via phone, email, text, drive by, whatever, the quicker he will probably call.

Why specifically you'd want him to call you I'm unaware, my reason for wanting to talk to my ex that first time was to tell him he had been right to break us up. Surprised the hell out of him ;) That's the weird thing, break ups, even though they hurt, are a good thing. Something somewhere was broken in the relationship and it needed to break apart in order for you (and him) to individually deal with whatever the problem was. Usually, the problem is an individual one that just gets worse with someone else in the picture. Good (but harsh) learning experiences, every one of them.

In a nutshell, how to empower yourself: Do everything in the How to Get Over Your Breakup post, it's always near the top for a reason. That stuff's not there for my health, it's there for yours ;)

Good luck,

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