I need courage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
I need courage.
5
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 4:25pm

I know this is crazy but I have been trying to break up with my live in boyfriend of 31/2 years and I can’t seem to gather enough strength to do it. I want to talk to him but I am scared…I have no one to go to in the State I am and neither does he. If I breakup with him, I don’t want to live with him because it will be a hostile environment for me. I have been cooking for him and his son and cleaning up after them and also picking up his son(16yrs) from school. I have no child of my own but I have become this child’s mother-his mother is not involved with him and neither does she pay child support. The reason of my breakup is he has been talking to his former girlfriends after I told him that I didn’t think it was right. To make the long story short, I looked on his bank statement and he had charged hotel rooms three different times in December and two times in January. I looked through his phone and he had sent this girl a message calling her gorgeous and peach girl and all that. I forgot to mention that he had cheated on my about two years ago and we worked through it but now he is cheating with someone else. Could some one out there help me think straight and help me gather enough courage for breaking up? I do thank you all in advance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 6:51pm

Hi mylovely2007 and welcome to the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 9:57pm

Hi My Lovely,

I couldn't look at him, much less live with him. It would eat me up inside to have to share my bed, my home etc. with someone that did that to me. It takes a very strong person to go about their day and pretend like they don't know the "real truth". You've got the strength, you just need to channel it into getting your butt out of there.

You can't stay with a man like that no matter what the circumstances.

Please don't waste another minute with that guy in your life. He's already taken so much from you.

Good Luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 12:07am
Hi -
I agree with others - you need to get out of this situation. You have lived with him 31/2 years, he hasn't offered marriage, he just gets someone who keeps his kids and cooks for him. You deserve better. If you are financially independent,just go get yourself a place to live, write him a note and you are in your way. If not, then plan for a place to live with a friend or someone, get a job and move out. You can do it. This guy is a loser. Look at it this way, you are lucky you are not married and have to go through lawyers and all. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 11:50am

What do you want your life to look like?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 12:08pm

"If you are afraid of your boyfriend (and it sounds like you are) the safest thing for you is to not confront him with the breakup alone, just get your plan together and one day when he's out, pack what you need and get out. Leave nothing behind you may have to come back for later, and if you do have to leave something behind, let it go and realize that no object is more important than your peace of mind and your happiness."

Sandra is so right, please do this. But leave one thing behind, a note that says "Peachgirl can raise your son for you now."