I need help, I am so scared and hurt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
I need help, I am so scared and hurt.
1
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 1:30pm

So I have been lurking and reading posts for a while now and I have finally mustered up the courage to post my story.

Last February I was months away from getting married to a man that I hadn't been happy with since our son was born. A friend at work (Keith) was there and we talked quite a bit about both of our situations (he was thinking about leavingh is wife of 14 years). I eventually did leave my fiance and Keith and I got a place together since we were both in a bad place. Things were great. I had a new friend that I could cry to when my son was with my dad. Then we fell in love. Things were complicated but so amazing. We had the best summer ever. He did not bring me into his childrens lives as they are old enought to understand all that is going on, since he still isn't divorced. Things got crazy and Keith had to move out because he is starting his own business that was pretty far from where we were living. His kids were feeling neglected and it finally hit them that daddy was not with mommy anymore. This really put Keith into a depression.

To make a VERY long story short we were down to seeing each other a couple times a week because he was so busy. He felt that in order to make his business work and to give the children what they needed he had to give up love and happiness with me because he couldn't give me what I needed. Now it's true that I am upset that we don't spend more time together, but I am so in love with this man. We are a week, post break up today and it is getting harder. We talk here and there but when we do it's so hard. He wants to come over some day so we can talk about everything and i can't wait for that day. I just want him to show up on my door step and give me the whole story. We had a bit of a fightt his morning and he was supposed to come over tonight but I doubt he will.

I guess what hurts so much is that I know how much he loves me. I don't understand why two people that love each other so much can't find a way to be together. If he didn't want or love me any more I feel like this would be so much easier. But every email he sends me says "I miss you and I love you princess." How hard is that....We are so happy together and he has to pull away to care for his children. How can I be mad at that!! I have a child I know what it's like. It just so sad knowing that we could have this amazing life. i keep thinking that if I wait long enough everything will work out...I am willing to do what it takes, I think. I just don't know if my heart can take it. Every time we talk I think about him holding me, kissing me and all the moments we shared....

What do I do?!?

Thanks, for listening,

Nikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 3:22pm

Welcome to the board Nikki.