I need help, for my mom
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I need help, for my mom
| Wed, 03-22-2006 - 12:22pm |
Well where can i start, i usually write about my issues.. but this time i need advice for my mom... my mom is 42 yrs old. and she has been married for 25yrs. We just found recently that my father wants to leave her and can't stand it the\at she is always fighting with him and that she doesn't trust him. it was 3yrs ago that my dad had an affair with another woman, but that is where the bomb exploded. ever since then she is always accusing him. well my question is how can my sister and i give my mother moral and emotional support. My dad told me today that he has met someone else 2 wks ago. But that is not the reason for leaving my mom. He wants the fighting to stop and all the issues that he gets at home. My mom is really upset and doesn't know how to start moving on. this is so fresh that she doesn't know where to start. She doesn't work because my dad wanted her to stop after she got really sick years back, from her old job. ever since then she doesn't work. But now my sis and i tell her that she needs to look for a job and try to look ahead and try to forget this until she feels better. what could i tell my "mom" to forget about our dad and that she needs to move on. I really don't know. i didn't think i would be trying to give my own mother advice on her soon to be ex-husband. What the hell???!!!!???? I just want to know how you could advice her and help her how to cope with the situation. Yes, i am probably leaving certain things out but i need to to make it short and simple. Can someone please help me!!!????? i am really in desperate need.
thank you
ivonne
thank you
ivonne

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While I think your intentions are good, and your heart is in the right place, I'm not sure that you trying to give her advice would be a good idea. Support, yes; advice, no. I think her talking to a counselor would be the best thing for her. Not that you don't mean well, but it's just hard for you and your sister to be objective, etc.
If your parents never went to counseling as part of the healing process after your father cheated on her, then counseling now is especially crucial. She should not be made to feel guilty because she is having trouble healing from being betrayed.
I think the best things you can do for her are to listen and be empathetic, and suggest that it might be helpful to her to talk to someone.
Sheri
hi sweetivy
why dont you tell your mom make her days busy and with your help also. go out with your mom. show her what she been missing...BEING SINGLE!!!
LET HER GO TO A BAR, CLUB OR SOME FUN PLACE. OR EITHER WAY YOU MENTION SHE NOT WORKING LET HER WORK FULL TIME..TELL HER TO LOOK FOR A JOB THAT HAVE MORE EXCITEMENT.
OR MAYBE TRY TALKING BOTH OF YOUR PARENT TO WORK THE RELATIONSHIP AND IF YOUR DAD IS WILLING TO STAY AGAIN..BETTER TALK YOU YOUR MOM TO TRUST YOUR DAD COZ IF SHE WONT CHANGE AT ALL THERE NO USED FOR YOUR FATHER TO STAY. TELL HER ALSO MAN ARE LIKE THAT IF WE LADYS ARE TOO MUCH ACCUSSING THE MAN THAT THEIR CHEATING EVEN THEIR NOT...WE ARE THE ONE WHO'S PUSHING THEM TO DO IT. SO SHE BETTER STOP/CONTROL HER JEALOUSY...I MEAN EVEN SHE FIND OTHER GUY. SHE HAVE TO TRUST HIM!
GOOD LUCK
I really disagree with your perspective on cheating.
Sheri
I did read it. You wrote:
OR MAYBE TRY TALKING BOTH OF YOUR PARENT TO WORK THE RELATIONSHIP AND IF YOUR DAD IS WILLING TO STAY AGAIN..BETTER TALK YOU YOUR MOM TO TRUST YOUR DAD COZ IF SHE WONT CHANGE AT ALL THERE NO USED FOR YOUR FATHER TO STAY. TELL HER ALSO MAN ARE LIKE THAT IF WE LADYS ARE TOO MUCH ACCUSSING THE MAN THAT THEIR CHEATING EVEN THEIR NOT...WE ARE THE ONE WHO'S PUSHING THEM TO DO IT. SO SHE BETTER STOP/CONTROL HER JEALOUSY...I MEAN EVEN SHE FIND OTHER GUY. SHE HAVE TO TRUST HIM!
The word "cheating" is in the 4th line.
Her father DID cheat on her mother. Given that fact, I believe your advice is irresponsible and misguided.
Sheri
WHAT!!!!!
DO YOU READ ENGLISH "OR" WHAT....
HOW COULD IT BE IRRESPONSIBLE AND MISGUIDED?
HOW COULD IT BE IRRESPONSIBLE IF I ASK HER TO TALK TO HER PARENT TO FIX THE PROBLEM?
FYI LEARN "ENGLISH" FIRST BEFORE YOU POST AGAIN OKAY
ABOUT THE DAD CHEATED...WELL EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKE NOBODY IS PERFECT..I'M ASSUMING THE DAD START DOING THIS COZ SHE IS BEING PUSHY.
SO DONT TELL ME YOU ADVICE THIS GIRL TO TELL HER MOM TO LET GO OF THE DAD...COZ YOU THINK HE CHEATED THAT CRAZY.
Edited 3/22/2006 7:39 pm ET by jazz_meeh
I speak and understand English just fine, thank you. I even read and understood your posts just fine.
I simply disagree with the advice you gave and felt strongly enough about it to post.
You are free to disagree with me, but there is no need to be disrespectful.
Sheri
The trust in the OP's parents' marriage was degraded when he cheated on her. Sometimes marriages can recover from adultery but usually it requires a lot of counseling and some major changes. If they never dealt with the problems that existed in the marriage in the first place, that breach of trust always loomed between them. In order for someone to fully recover from being betrayed and go on to have a healthy, lasting relationship, he/she has to really do some major self-exploration and realize that he/she was NOT the cause of the cheating. Otherwise that insecurity is always going to be there and the OP's mom will carry it into her future relationships as well...if she ever dares date again in the first place. It's never as simple as, "Well, she PUSHED him to cheat." The relationship was broken and without being fixed, it was only a matter of time before it was too far gone to repair.
Steph
http://www.myspace.com/stephfaris
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