i need some advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2005
i need some advice...
2
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 11:57am
k...
i need to know wheather i should give up??
i have recently broken up with my long term boyfriend and i'll tell the full story of us and where it went wrong.
we met and got together really quickly but i t felt right and we were in love in a month and a half.. i lost my virginity to him and he was the first guy i had a real relationship wiv... he had been in a previous relationship wiv another girl for a year or so and he had ended it because he didn't like her in the end and she was false and always wanted presents...
i had never let myself fall in love with another guy cos i'd been hurt before but he reassured me so much and i trustedf him so much that i decided to keep it going cos i didn't want to lose him. and we were so happy...
one day he didn't txt me for a day or 2 and i got a bit pissed/upset cos we did spk every day. when we did spk he said he needed space and said we was feelin really weird... i freaked but i accepted it.. we saw each other straight after the talk and the next day so it was more of an emotional break rather than a physical one... but it was weird it wasn't the same.. inside i was dying...
on the saturday (we had the other talk on the friday) i went to a party and got very very drunk... and my head convinced itself that i'd lost him and i was very upset and kissed another guy... realising how stupid i was i just cried and phoned him to tell him i loved him.
i had to tell him... so we met up the next day and the sad thing was it was fine.. it wasn't like the two previous times... we were ok again and i couldn't tell him to his face because i wanted one last time wen he still loved me as much as he did. it was very emotional for me.
i told him in a lenghty txt msg after we parted from that meetin wat had happenned. he didn't spk to me for a day or two but i sent him a few txts and emails to say how soryy i was and how much i loved him etc... and finally he wanted to talk.. we talked and he said he loved me and he said how he'd cried and how upset he was and i just assured him as muchg as i could. we met up all that week and we seemed ok.. back to normal and i was so happy... we had a really good week seein each other a lot... then on the saturday he was ill and stayed at home i went out with his friend and my best friend just to a random gatherin.. i txted him durin the night tellin him i missed him and i got a random msg at midnight endin things blamin 'wat hppened' as a reason.. my mind wouldn't accept this because he'd spent the week wiv me and we'd been ok. i didn't know wat to do.. everyone told me to leave it so i did i let him know i was givin him time... i actually went away for a weekend wiv my family and wen i got bk i sent him an email sayin how much i needed him. and i heard nothin... but i wouldn't give up and i asked if i could see him one night... his x gf txt back off his phone and basically said that they were back together and i was a bad person for doin wat i did. then she told me that he had been cheatin on me with her. this killed me because i couldn't accept it.. everything was a lie in our relationship... i txt him the nxt mornin askin y he hadn't broke up wiv me sooner if he and this girl were in love or wateva... n he didn't reply... so i left it. then spoke to a girl who is his best friends gf who knew the situation and she basically promised that he hadn't cheated on me and that he did hate his ex, and that the ex was friends wiv his mum so thats y she would b round his house. another good friend of his said the same thing.. that he didn't cheat and he wouldn't b wiv his x now. this girl also told me apparantly ppl had said things to my x about me tryin to get with other guys which is so not true cos i love him.. so i had to let him know this in case it mattered... he told me basically he wanted to get on wiv his life and me to f*** off. i just told him i didn't want him to hate me because i loved him...
i know this is so very very confusing but i am so young and delicate and i want to be a relationship counsiler wen i'm older so i need to have faith in love... wat can i do.. i miss him so much and i want him back... i know he loves me cos u can't stop loving someone that quickly...
if anyone has any advice or wants to tell me to get over this whole thing then plz say... thanks so much...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 12:23pm

hi,

first off, let me just say that my heart goes out to you. but with that said, I think its going to be tough but you have to MOVE on. The nicer you try to be to him the more of as* he's going to be to you. He's told you that he wants to move on w/his life so let him. Why not give all the love and positive attention to someone who deserves it and not someone who's going to let their x text you and say its over between you and him and he's been cheating w/her on you. Do you really think you deserve that kind of treatment? Is that the kind of man you want in your life? Trust me, I've been there and done that. the sooner you break contact with him, the better off you'll feel. Your post doesn't indicate how old you are, but break ups are a part of life. You have to go through the ups and downs in order to know who/what you're willing to put up with.

Yeah, I know it must suck that he was your first and all, but don't dwell on all the negative aspects of the relationship. This experience has given you a first hand lesson on love/relationships, a lesson that you will take w/you for the rest of your life. Treat it as such. Try not to waste one more day crying over him. Spring is here and I'm sure you're bound to meet someone.

Cheer up, time heals all wounds! He's a looser and he didn't deserve you in the first place!

E.

Avatar for marichiko
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 12:51pm

I think there is always a special attachment for our first "real" love affair with someone.