I need some support ...
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I need some support ...
| Mon, 07-25-2005 - 1:45am |
I recently moved to a new town and broke up with my boyfriend(again) before I left. We had a history (2 years) of breaking up and him calling out of the blue then wham ... right back to square one. This time things escalated and b/f I knew it, I'd called him a lying SOB. I felt bad about it and he asked for an apology (he's never used that type of language with me and as always treated me like a lady when we were together). The problem was I felt he played w/my head and heartstrings, never following up on anything, never keeping his promises. He's also an undercover officer who I feel knows how to play people. That aside I still felt bad about calling him outside his name, so for the first time I called him & apologized several months later (about a month ago now). I didn't ask for him back, I didn't ask him to call me. I simply apologized and was going to take that as closure. He called back and asked to come up the next day. We had a nice night out and I was going to leave it at that. But later that night he asked me to be his exclsuively. I didn't take it seriously, until he started following up when he said he would call, and checking to see how I was managing in a new city, etc. That lasted about a week, and then a few days would go by before a call, and finally a whole week. In the meantime, I would call him and let him how this was going, or could he pray with me that something else would fall in place, etc. He did not return any of my calls at all. Finally I let him know that he asked for this chance and he let me down. He called like crazy (as always), but when I finally talked to him I told him that I thought somebody local would be better for me. His attitude was that the same would be better for him, and also said that I didn't put much effort in it either (which was a serious distruth). I chose not to argue, but to soak it all in and to get ready to finally be done with this man. It's still a hurtful thing though. He mentioned another woman who just broke up with him too so he could have been on the rebound or something. I do know that none of his relationships seem to work and there is a reason why. I think the problem lies with him, and I'm willing to walk away. I just could really use some support right now. Thanks for listening. Tam

Hi,
I always thought that it takes 2 to dance a tango. Doesn't matter if one person is less mature or not... it takes really two to get to where you end up. The first thing that hit me is that he thought that you didn't put much effort into the relationship. I understand that it's not what you think. There is a miscommunication somewhere. Do you know why he thinks so? What are his expecations of you are? Did you make clear to him your expectations of him? I think the first thing that spoils so many relationships is miscommunication. We are all coming from different backgrounds and everyone's expecations are different. We can't be martyrs... We have to communicate. Doesn't garantee the successful relationsip, but it's the start...
Hope it helps.
I am sorry, I didn't mean to be harsh or anything. I guess what I was trying to say and I understand that, that we all have our limitations. Don't hold it against him. If you don't feel happy and you guys argue all the time, just let it go. The goal is to be in peace and happy with yourself... I had the same. I, theoretically understand what I need to do, but very often I can't do that. I am the same. I have difficulty with productively arguing with a person and therefore, prefer not to... That doesn't help me at all, just builds some anger in me... So, I try to find people who are more open to listening to me, than the ones who get easily offensive...
Good luck...