I need to VENT!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
I need to VENT!!!
2
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 8:26am

It is 8am on a Saturday, and I have no one else to talk to. I know for a fact that my ex was out with his new girlfriend last night, and I am desperatly trying not to call and scream at him.

We were together for almost 4 years, after our first 3 months of dating though, discovered I was pregnant. We were 19 at the time. Not to get into nity grity details but we've had a lot of ups and downs, and I wish I could say at least he's a good father, but he's not even that. Last year we split for 4 months. He came back to me this February asking for a second chance. We started falling back in love, and , unfortuantely bad habits. I started my usual routine of giving and giving, and he fell right back into taking and never giving back. Instead of stopping giving, I kept going, including giving him $6,000. I thought everything was fine, stressed ever so slightly, but fine until about a month ago. A freinds birthday party came up. He told me he did not want me to attend, that "It was diffrent when I wasn't there". I was crushed. I called him on his phone. He finally answered and said he'd be home by 3am and we could talk. By 4am there was no sign of him. I began trying to reach him again, I even had one of his close friends try to call him. No answer. At 5:30 he comes home. Kathy, a girl from his work was dropping him back at his car, and they got to talking...for 3 hours! I had also found out the previous day to all this that he'd had concert tickets with friends from work for over a motnh that he hadn't told me about. Another event he didn't want me to attend. We had a huge talk, and I thought we had nailed the problem. You see he works days, I work nights because of our son so we very rarely have time together. I explained to him I didn't mind him hanging with his friends so long as he made time for me, and our son too.
A week later I brought up whether he still wanted to get married, he said "I don't know". This led to the discussion we had that led us to breaking-up. He basically said he wasn't ready for this much commitment in his life, and that even though he cared for me, he thought we were better apart. He said he kept wandering "what if..."
All I can say to this is, what about my what if's? You're not the only person who had a child here! Our son is almost 3 now, I figured by now he would have accepted the fact that he's a father and has responsibilities. By the way, it doesn't help that every person he works with is basically single and in their 20's wothout kids. In hindsight I see what a selfish jerk he is, but that doensn't help. I found out 5 days after we broke up he started dateing Kathy!

I can't explain to him that breaking up with me, isn't going to make his life any simpler. He still watches our son while I'm at work, but never asks if he can take him on his days off to have special time with him or anything of that nature. He'd rather spend all his free time with Kathy. He is now also paying child support. This will be the first time in our history he has ever given me money towards our son. As much as he's hurt me over the years, things I though, were better this time around. i thought he had really made peace with his inner demons, and was finally ready to step up to the plate as a father and husband. I was wrong. Instead he is now dating the first warm body that has come along, and is still making no extra effort with his son. I feel used and cheated. 4 years of hard work and he left anyway. The only good thing that has ever come out of all this is our adorable little boy. He is my pride and joy, and I hate that this man is his father, and because of that I will have to have contact with him for the rest of my life.

Yet, part of me still wants to believe that he could grow up and change. Even if he did, I know it would br wrong top take him back. The trust is gone. Anyway's, thank you for letting me vent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 4:41pm
wow...this is soo sad...did you ever talk to that girl??? i mean does she knows about you and his kid...if i'm in your position i will talk to that girl make her guilty..."what goes around comes around"...GOOD LUCK!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 8:04pm

He'd always wonder 'what if' - sorry but I don't buy it. He was already leading a double life - excluding you from some very specific events, like he didn't want to be seen with you, didn't want others to know you were a couple, etc. He's not worth your time.

Every time you want to call and scream at him, write here instead or start keeping a journal and vent there. Write him hate mail, do NOT send it, but burn it. Get it all out. Trust me, he's not worth your breath.


Carrie