I ran into him tonight...
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| Sat, 10-06-2007 - 9:37am |
Every first friday of the month, there's always a lot of things happening in downtown, and it's a pretty hip and trendy scene there, and I went with some friends. I knew that there was a possibility of seeing my ex, and what happens? I did! He came up to me at the bar and we were just talking, trying to be "friends", but we kept it casual. The whole time he kept rubbing my tummy or touching my back or some small gesture, and it made me so sad! I told him to stop it because it wasn't right and that I had to go through a lot to try and move on from him. We talked about how he was going to move in 4 months (so soon!) to pursue his music career. I told him that it hurt he was going to move and that I would miss him and would always love him. He told me he missed me too. But he's still moving! After we hung out for an hour, we even danced a little, the bar finally closed and we had to leave. We went our separate ways. When I got home, he called me and said he wanted me to sleep over (not to have sex, I believe him) but to just cuddle. I knew he missed me and he implied in so many ways that it's painful for him, too. I told him that I couldn't do it because it would only hurt me, and that I had taken a lot of effort to try and move on. He still didn't seem to have an interest in getting back together, and he said he missed snuggling with me. As much as I wanted to, I had to say no. Of course I want to sleep over, and I even explained to him that it would give me false hopes and I would just miss him more. He just said, "well dont get false hopes, we're just friends". I said it wasn't that easy at all and that he needed to understand. He said he understood but he kept asking me if I was sure I didn't want to sleep over. I said I couldn't. I said I'd still like to hang out with him especially because he will be leaving and that I still want to give him his birthday gift. I felt so horrible but giddy that I saw him too. I even felt good that he called me to sleep over but not good in that it was all he wanted, just to snuggle, but no intention of getting back together with me.
Okay, now...in the meantime, while I am at this trendy bar, one of my friends introduced me to this guy. (Very cute!). I thought it wouldn't hurt to talk, and he was very shy and physically my type, and we started talking and had a lot of things in common. We both like the same music and we're both film buffs and even interned at the same film festival. He disappeared for awhile because he had to walk a friend out, and that was when my ex bumped into me. Even though as much as I missed my ex, I was hoping this guy wouldn't see me talking to my ex, especially since my ex was touching my back and what not. Luckily, he didn't see!
I feel so confused. I feel like I had to deal with a lot tonight, I was very excited to meet this new guy yet very happy to see my ex, although sad again knowing he still doesnt want to be with me. After my ex had left, I was bummed I didn't get to see this new guy again. Turns out, he was outside and he seemed VERY interested in me, in a shy cute way. We just kept talking and even exchanged phone numbers and said that we should watch some movies at the film festival (since I still work there) this month. He even gave me a ride home and was very sweet. I was so happy to know that I could be interested in a guy (because i am so picky!).
I don't know what else to say, that's basically what happened. I feel tired of being hurt, and I want to hang out with this new guy, why not, my ex is leaving anyway. But I also wanted to sleep over my ex's house so much and have him tell me he misses me and to just cuddle with me, but I know once the cuddling was over, I would just be wanting more. I don't want to tell my ex I met anybody or have an interest in anybody. It still hurts. A lot. I'm still feeling the pain even though I know he does miss me. He won't come back to me.
It's almost 4am and I should take a shower and sleep soon. What a crazy night for me, I'm tired.

I wish I had your guts to stay strong like that. If the guy I am still in love with right now, if he called me and asked me to hang out, just me and him, I would do it, hands down. And I wouldn't care that he had a gf living with him. I don't hate her. We do know each other.
Sometimes I think the time after a falling out/break-up/etc is like limbo. It is so hard to move on to do other things. Most times you just want to sit there and wait and hope they come back. One piece of information, you pulling away like that and sticking to your beliefs/boundaries, will have him respecting you more and that might be the spark that makes him want to come back to you. It is human nature to want what they cannot have. At least that's what I've been told.
As for the other guy, good for you. It's good to go out with friends, have fun, and shine. It helps you get out of your shell where you pine for your ex, etc. If the guy calls and wants to hang out, GO FOR IT!!! I don't mean date or anything like that, but go and hang out with an open mind. I don't agree with others on here who say you should avoid dating/male company, etc. Just go into this with an open mind and no expectations, except to hang out with someone and have some companionship. It's a great boon, esp in a time when one usually feels like no one likes them.
I have two words for your ex: what a freaking a-hole and what a douche! ok, so that was more than two, but he totally deserves them.
I hope everyone gets in their head that if someone says, "I don't want to be with you anymore," then that means HANDS OFF the merchandise! It worked in grammar school, why not implement the same thing now? It's like we forget. What the hell, anyway, I'm glad you told him to cut it out finally, but if there should be an "accidental bumping into" in the future, tell him to keep his mitts to himself.
Also, waaaayyy douchebag on the "come over and cuddle with me, I still don't want to be with you, but I like the idea of a warm body." A-hole. Where do people get off pulling these kind of stunts? SO happy for you you didn't get suckered into that one, good job!
A new friend of the opposite sex never hurt anyone single. Go see a couple of movies at the film festival with that guy, keep it as casual acquaintances only, don't lead him on and have a good time.
Good luck!
Hi neko_hi,
I totally agree with Sandra and yeah, someone actually said it.