i REALLY need advice/help.
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| Sun, 07-22-2007 - 7:01am |
ok..heres the story..and please, I WANT THE TRUTH WHEN YOU GIVE ME YOUR OPPINIONS, THE REAL HONEST BRUTAL TRUTH....
my bf and i were long distance for about a year. we would visit pretty much every month. i am/was TOTALY in love and so happy. he seemed to be as well. would always tell me how much he loved me...etc...etc. i went to visit him a few weeks back, and stayed for a few weeks. trip was perfect. romantic, full of love, laughs...JUST PERFECT. so i had no idea anything was wrong.
i get back home and sense that somethings wrong. not that hes acting different towards me, just had a feeling. so a week of this goes by and finally i bring it up, and i ask him if he wants to be with me or not...( WHY DID I ASK? I DONT KNOW...JUST A FEELING THAT I SHOULD)....so that night he breaks up with me. terrible emotional sad breakup. tells me how much he loves me ( MANY TIMES)....but doesnt see a future with me, and doesnt think im the one for him to spend the rest of his life with...says its not fair to keep dating me, and break up in a few years and waste my time.... so i ask, what happend?? what did i do?? he said during the end of the trip, its just what he kept thinking of...that we just arent right for eachother...so we ended it there. obviously i was heartbroken...cried, said i didnt want to be friends and didnt want him in my life.
few days later, he emails me to tell me that i probably think hes happy, but hes not. it was the hardest decision of his life....hes miserable etc. i just say im sorry i dont feel sorry for you-- you did this, this is what you wanted...and asked him not to email me anymore. that i dont want to talk. that same day, he messages me on the computer-- and basically we had a 5 hour long goodbye. tears, i love you's, goodbyes. ofcourse i kept saying i dont want this, and asking if he would ever change his mind and he said " what is meant to be wil be, and if we are meant to be together we will be in the future". said how much he loved me again....etc etc thanked me for loving him ( i was the first serious relationship hes ever had), and that was pretty much it.
ive been EXTREMLY upset, and really honestly love this guy and thought we were happy together. tonight i got drunk and messaged him, and said i missed him. he answerd back and said he missed me too, and he loves me. i said i loved him too :(. bad enough i made a mistake by texting him..i came home SOBER..and emailed him like an idiot. :(
i guess its time to move on? but i still have that hope that everything will change....and it will be back to normal-- but i doubt that. actually, i am positive it wont happen. how can he change his mind? he said i wasnt the one for him..he obviously meant it.
what do you guys think of this situation? anyone think theres any chance of us getting back togehter? what the hell do i do now?i miss him so much :(
HELP!

Tulips,
First off Im sorry for the pain your in and I understand your pain...so very much. As I read your post I cried because our situtations are different yet somewhat alike.
The truth be told, Im not sure there is a chance you two will get back, but Im also a beleiver in fate...meaning none of us really KNOW where our lives will take us. But for now it has to over for you and him. You have to try your best to let go, dont contact him, accept no contact from him and move on with your life.
All these goodbyes do neither of you any good. Ive been and done that! They just keep the pain right at the surface and you become stuck in limbo.
As hard as is to hear "LISTEN" to what hes telling you. Right now he doesnt see you as the "one", can that change in time, maybe, but maybe hes not the "one" for you either. Dont sit back and wait for him move on with your life.
If its meant to be then it will be......
I wonder myself if the time you spent together is what brought him to this decision. You see my guy and I (even though theres other circumstances) we took a trip together in March. I came home feeling the same way as you did, that it went GREAT! We got along, we spent all that time togehter and there was never a problem, a arguement, we were both happy.
When we got home I too saw something like you did and about a month later, I got the same speech as you. I asked him why because if anything the great trip confused me. We were just back and now he was ending it. I got the same line about me not being the "one". His reply about the trip was that it went TOO well. I think he got scared and was running.
For me its not the first time he got scared and ran....but its got to be the last. Its a vicious cycle and if your guy is one thats on the run too, trust me he will run again and again, and it will make your life a living hell.
See hes doing the same things...he wont committ to letting you go even though hes said his goodbyes. SO this is where you have to be strong and you have to commit to ending it and moving on with your life.
WOW I cant beleive I wrote this to you!! Maybe I am finally getting somewhere myself .....
Good Luck to you and keep posting! You see not only can people here help you but your helping them at the same time..
Sue
Welcome to the board mstullips,
You were very nice to be his emotional support through his confusion.
yeah i agree...i think it was his own way of closure...making himself feel good,but in the end i felt terrible. it did drag on for way longer then it should have-- but i was SO happy just to talk to him; i didnt care what we were talking about.
im trying my best with no contact--- i messed up again this weekend. went out for a few drinks with some friends, and unfortinatly text messaged him...and came home and emailed him...that didnt go well. but maybe that was the final goodbye i neeeded? hell if i know....but its over :) and its time to deal with it.