I really need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2005
I really need help
3
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 12:50pm

Hello. I have a problem, i didnt really know which catagory to put it in, but i'll leave it here. About 2 months ago i met a man who i became really good friends with. We later became really close and ive fallen in love with him. Then out of the blue he came and told me that he has a girlfriend who he is actually engaged to, but that he was confused because he wanted to be with me. I asked him if he loved his girlfriend and he replied "i love her, butim not in love with her." So i asked him to make u his mind about what he was gonna do. He came again randomly and said, " right im staying with my fiance" and then he stopped talking to me for a while. I was and am still heart-broken, im actually crying while im typing because i love him so much. he's my world and id do anything for him. Anyway, i started to avoid him and have spent a few weeks not seeing him, trying my hardest to get over him. then yesterday he asked to talk to me in private and ended up bringing up our situation again, during which i told him that i love him, and he ended up sleeping in my bed with me that night, though we never slept together. Now i cant stop thinking about him at all and i cant stop crying over the fact that i cant be with the one i love. :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 6:06am


How old are you?.

He is just taking advantage of you. In the first place, he already told you that he will stay with his girlfriend, you are a second choice, an easy girl to play with. Now are you ready to accept that role?. Why are you playing his games?.

You don't love him. You are just obssesed with him, with his attention and his words. Love is based on respect, honesty and mutual admiration. How can you love someone who cheats on his girlfriend and uses you as a f**cking body?. I think this relationship with him is just a symptom of some other problems with your self-esteem. You need to believe that you deserve respect and true love from other people. It is not easy to believe it, you must work a lot on yourself. It takes time and patience but you can get there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 8:17am

galux251...

Do you HONESTLY think crying is going to make any difference when it comes to a serious relationship with this scumbag?

Pianoguy would like YOU to WAKE UP! Please look at the man for the slug he really is!

If this bozo can easily cheat on his fiancee (you indicated he was engaged), what makes you think that he wouldn't play the same game WITH SOMEBODY ELSE---in the event the 2 of you ever got together?

There HAS to be somebody else out there who is willing to love you 100% and not just for the opportunity to 'share' a warm bed?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 1:12pm

How sad for you that your intentions were pure when you first met him and you fell in love with someone with a HUGE SECRET, someone that lies easily and took advantage of you. You did the right thing avoiding him, but when you talked in private you took that opportunity to tell him you love him. Because you thought it would make a difference to him. Sweetie, I know you hurt, but this guy has used you, lied to both you and his girlfriend, doesn't have character, morals, values, standards that are worth being in a relationship with. You can't love him enough to change him, can't be good enough, can't give him your body enough to make him want you, dump the gf and even if you did, how long would it be before he looked elsewhere and cheated on you?

Please seek short-term counseling to work on your self-esteem and understand that you were decieved through no fault of your own. My best to you.


Carrie