I relapsed and am back at square one!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
I relapsed and am back at square one!
49
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 11:52am

I made a terrible mistake and called him on Sunday. I ended up going over there and we hooked up. Now I feel SO bad and totally at fault for being weak. He still does not want a romantic relationship with me and told me that he is completely over me because of the fighting we did for the past 2 months that drove him away and has made me "ugly" to him.

There is no other girl right now in his life and he would "love" to be one of my good friends but I "took that out of the equation" so there's basically not any sort of relationship between us. He doesn't care and I do. I'm holding on to something that isn't ever going to come back. The ironic thing is he was a terrible boyfriend - cheating, verbal, physical and emotional abuse - and yet I still want him in my life. He even admits to being a "terrible person". He said he couldn't believe that after all the pain he put me through, he still has to "convince" me to leave him alone. I can't though, I tried and I get so weak that any sort of connection with him seems appealing. I can't accept that he no longer wants to be apart of my life and does not want me in his, other than just friends. He said he's moved on completely and that hurts so bad because I'm still hurting so much!

So now that we hooked up on Sunday, I'm back where I started, only slightly stronger. I feel like I made progress by not contacting him for 2 weeks and then just gave all that work up for nothing! I feel awful right now. For the rest of you who are struggling with no contact...it really is for the best and relapsing by calling, seeing and/or sleeping with him/her is just not worth it! Please take my word for it...it's not a good idea.

Now I'm back at square one dealing with the salt I poured on my open wounds....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 2:11pm
Better today. Not nearly as weepy. He called and left a message about work stuff and I returned the call -- he let my message go into voicemail too. I'm still sad. I still want him to break down and tell me he was wrong, etc. But I'm getting more used to the idea that he won't do it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 3:02pm

I'm sorry - you'll be OK. I almost wish that they just wouldn't call at all. I would change my number but it's such an inconvenience to do so. BTW, I got your yahoo name but I can't ever get on any messenger services at work because they have it blocked.

Just be strong. I know it sucks when they call and it's either because they are drunk or because they have some irrelevant question to ask you.

We'll get through this...one day at a time. Did you read my adivce from my aunt in the other discussion?

She said, one time, "You have to be strong for yourself and give yourself a chance to br strong." I repeat this in my head from time to time. It helps...

I'm also doing Yoga once a week and luckily my instructor is very spiritual so she incorporates calming techniques and thoughts into the class. You might want to look into it...it's a great strengthening tool of the body and mind.

I'm here if you need to talk...be strong!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 4:17pm

Your aunt rocks and so does Yoga. I can actually go now because I'm not running up to his house every weekend.

I really do think I'm better today. If he comes to the deposition tomorrow though I will likely cry all the way home and be on here all night whining. Be prepared!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 6:23pm

I'll be here...don't worry. And it's okay to cry! Just don't call him or email him!!!

Do you guys work together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 7:29pm
i just did this WONDERFUL thing that was mentioned on the board earlier. I changed his name on my cell to "He's not worth it". I have picked up the phone twice...and saw that and yes it was hard, but it reminded me....that he really isn't worth it. Try it out for size...maybe call your ex Liar or Cheater or sucks in bed or snores....whatever was your biggest gripe...just might help...did for me and i was someone who always knew calling was wrong but still did anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 7:08am
No -- but I'm a lawyer and he owns bars and I agreed (with much relunctance and under a great deal of pressure from him) to start lawsuit for him against an insurance agent last summer. We're still litigating and too near the end for me to reasonably get out. It just sucks. No matter what the outcome he won't like it and he'll blame me . . . so what's new. I am so dreading this afternoon.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 10:10am
I see....good luck and just be strong!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 3:45pm
lol...after arguing all day via IM with my EX BF, {yeah I know, stupid me!}...I changed his name in my cell phone to DICKHEAD=DRAMA so hopefully that'll work next time he calls...I think I'll change his IM name to that also.....GREAT idea!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 5:13pm

That's funny, hopefully it works well too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 5:20pm
ROFL You're a genuis Sunfire! Changing his name to something like sucks in bed or can't get it up it is a great idea and funny as hell! You can release some of that emotion and laugh at him when he calls. If you can't change his name on your phone or IM or email, you can alway block him. You can also delete his messages so you won't be tempted to call him back or feel upset after hearing them.