i ruined no contact
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| Wed, 03-21-2007 - 10:39am |
After all my resolve to make it through one day of no contact, I broke down and called him. He's not calling me, I'm calling him.
He yelled at me on the phone, asking me why I couldn't adhere to my own policy, so that I can heal. He hung up and I called back, but he didn't answer, so I called again. He turned his cell phone off. Then I called his house phone and he answered and said he knew it was me. We argued. He made it clear again that it was over for him, that he wanted us to cancel our shared cell phone service plan and that I needed to give him the house keys back. I again, was devasted and bawling. I kept asking why? why are you leaving me? He kept reiterating that he wasn't in love with me anymore and that how else could he make this clear?
I couldn't sleep all night.
At 6 am this morning, I went to his house. I wanted him to comfort me and hold me. I let myself in and crawled into his bed. He didn't kick me out. He actually held me and we both fell asleep. When we woke up again, he stroked my hair and held me. The both of us looked like hell and it looked like he didn't sleep all night either. I told him I was sorry for showing up and he said it's okay, don't be sorry.
At the same time, I feel so sad that it's over and that I have to give him space even if I want a chance to be friends down the road. But I still want him, and the fact that he doesn't still hurts.
Help me! I'm turning into the psycho that I don't want to be! We've already talked on the phone today at work because we work together. It's so difficult.
Please help me so that I can start no contact over tomorrow.

Hey there honey.
First - breathe. Inhale, exhale.
Bad news is: yeah, you blew it. Good news is: You can start over. That's the beautiful thing about life - it's full of mistakes that you learn from.
My counselor once told me "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results each time"...that is what you are doing. By calling him, you are pissing him off - so then he gets mad & hangs up. Then he withdraws from you in an effort to get you to stop, but all that does is make you KEEP calling!!! Do you see the cycle there? It's an endless merry-go-round and you need to GET OFF OF THAT RIDE GIRLFRIEND!
My ex said the SAME thing to me about 'adhering to my own policy'. Truly, it is the only way you can heal. I have the habit of going 2-3-4 days of NO CONTACT, then I get that itch to call...just to see if he's forgotten about me. It never helps. Today is Day 4 and I want to call, but it will only make things worse.
Going over to his house, letting yourself in and crawling into bed with him - honestly, that is a tad bit creepy. That's almost stalker-ville. That has to stop too. Give him back his keys and forget his address. I'm not trying to be mean, but I can only imagine how AWKWARD he must've felt about that.
You can do it. Read "Don't call that man!" and "It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken"...follow their advice!!! Post here, email me, call a friend - just do NOT talk to him!!!!
omg...sorry to hear this....i can't imagine to put myself on this situation...while i'm reading your post it touches my feeling and i was about to cry for u... :(
to be honest i dont know what to tell u...i'm just posting here to let u know...your not alone dear....i was there in that same situation almost a yr now....its hard esp if we expecting too much for that person and they turn us down...actually i just recently forgotten about my ex...for the whole process that i'm doing ofcourse i'm still waiting for him...but i thank god 2/3wks ago i met this wonderful guy....his totally opposite of my ex....every single day we talk on the phone he calls me even his at work and with his friend...all those that MY EX NEVER DID for me EVEN IN MY DREAMS!!! you know that feeling....he treat me right...
anyways just hung in there hopefully....oneday he'll realized he made a big mistakes...good luck
Sweetie -- try to forget about yesterday. It's over, it's done. You can't change what you did. Tomorrow is a new day and a clean slate. Look over the posts -- esp. the one about what to do instead of calling him. Call a girlfriend to come and sit with you and babysit if necessary. It is difficult to have to talk to him at work. I'm dealing with that with mine right now. But I confine all conversation and emails to the business at hand. DO NOT talk to him about the relationship -- you'll just confirm that you're one of those psycho girlfriends. The best thing you can do is ignore him and let him think that you're over him -- even if it kills you to do it.
You will get through this. There will be light at the end of the tunnel. Your heart will not be broken forever. Every single day of no contact you will feel a wee bit stronger. Hang in there honey -- email us if you need to.
Sounds like what my yesterday morning was like...calling him, hearing him tell me he's "comletely over" me, crying, calling back, etc. I didn't call back the rest of the day and he called me last night to ask me about his White Strips. I answered to tell him to not call me anymore and tried to say good bye so he said that he wanted to talk. When I asked him what he wanted to talk about, he said nevermind, I thought you'd be nicer. See, it's all a sick cycle of games and who has the most power. You will have that power when you move on and not look back. I keep telling myself that to get through the day. I also refresh this page throughout my day to keep reminding me to be strong.
Everyone is right, just chalk it up as a mistake and move on from here...you can't undo what happened and believe me, sometimes I wish I could. So the best thing for you/us to do is move on and take it one day at a time. We all relapse...it's ok. Just don't KEEP relapsing....you'll get better.
My aunt gave me some really great advice once. She said, "You have to be strong for yourself and give yourself a chance to be strong."