I saw him and i SCREWED UP. Please!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2005
I saw him and i SCREWED UP. Please!!!!
12
Fri, 11-25-2005 - 12:28pm
okay, so bf broke up with me 3 weeks ago. i posted that i couldn't stop crying. we work within 3 blocks of each other so usually i run into him alot. so we agreed we would have a talk because there is one thing we need to discuss unrelated to our relationship. anyway, last i told you all, he was supposed to come to a race i was running and then told me he couldn't because he wasn't ready. he told me he missed me alot and i didn't respond, he told me he couldn't even see my face because he felt too emotional. anyway, i didn't say anything. two days later i called him with stuff along the same lines, and HE didn't say anything. anyway, he was supposed to come to a pre thanksgiving party with a group of my friends and he text messaged me and said he was sorry he couldn't come, he was scared. whatever that means. so today, i am having coffee in a coffee shop we both frequent because our offices are so close and as i am finishing i turn around and see him sneaking out the back door. he definately saw me and decided NOT to get coffee there and to sneak out. so i was pissed. i walk to my office and see where he went into, and i followed him in. i said hi, i saw you come in here. he acted like he hadn't seen me at the other place, told me how beautiful i looked, etc. i asked him if he had five minutes he said he didn't. i asked why he was avoiding me since we decided we were going to be friends, he said he felt bad. he didn't want to see my face, and he prefered to talk over phone or email. it was hard to see my face. i asked him why. he told me because he felt bad. i said, don't feel bad. i am fine. totally fine. i don't want anything from you. i can accept it and i am okay. i said, i don't want to get back together, i don't want you back, nothing. i just want to be friends. and i didn't want him to feel bad for me. he said he didn't feel bad 'for me'...i guess in general he just feels bad. so we are supposed to have this small talk to tie up other loose ends. i asked him if i could meet him tomorrow after work for an hour. he said he couldn't tomorrow. i asked him why. he said he couldn't and he doesnt have to tell me why (obviously i assume its a date), i asked him jokingly, is it a date? he goes, yea a date, sarcastically. he said he couldn't tomorrow but maybe sunday or monday. it makes me feel even worse because i am wondering what he is doing tomorrow. satuday. i am pretty convinced whatever it is he doesn't want me to find out about it which makes me feel horrible. whatever. anyway, as i continued to talk to him in the street he goes "i don't want to talk right now, i need to breathe". with that he walked away. i am so confused and so hurt. i was being calm, i wasn't beggin for him back, i told him i wanted nothing more then a friendship. why is he doing this. saying its so hard to see me. saying he can't handle looking at my face and would rather do it on the phone. i am crushed. he is avoiding talking to me. and i looked like such a loser asking for 20 mins of his time. i just couldn't control myself. i asked him: do you not want to speak to me because you don't care? or because you are angry? which is it? and he goes "i don't care". so i go "really? you don't care? i don't beleive that" he goes , "i don't care". i go, "thats nice". then he goes, "of course i care are you crazy?" i asked him why he said that then and he goes "because you asked me, is it because you don't care?" WTF??? i am destroyed. i feel like SUCH A LOSER. why did i even stop him if i knew he was ducking me. i wish i could erase it. he walked away from me. literally turned his back and walked away midcoversation and said he didn't want to talk right now. I AM SO ANGRY AT MYSELF. WHY??? WHY DID I TRY TO TALK. WHY DID I MAKE MYSELF LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT. not to mention, i am so fixated on what he is doing tomorrow ( i know by the way he is trying to establish that he doesn't have to answer to me, but if its nothing why not answer!!). YUCK

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2005
Sun, 11-27-2005 - 11:17am
thanks piano guy. i am hurting alot today. the thing is, i told him i wanted to be friends because we run into each other almost everyday. we work 3 blocks within each other and have friends in common. its the type of person i am. i don't like to hold bad feelings, and while there is alot i SHOULD be angry at him for, i can't hold onto it, i want to move on, and for me, friendship is the only way. the thing is, we are supposed to talk about something, something unrelated to us getting back together, or us breaking up. its something that needs to be discussed though before i put this behind me. something he did to me which hurt me more then the breakup itself. the thing is, that email he wrote me that i posted, he said his behavior is "to protect himself". i am not quite sure what that means since he broke up with me. quite frankly it sounds like BS. i know he is making the space so he can move on, but he knows there is something that needs to be discussed and he keeps putting it off. the more its put off, the more uneasy i feel, and i can't get any closure. whats even more painful, is that he keeps saying its hard to look at my face or whatever, because it sounds like a line....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-27-2005 - 11:27am

lucyintheskybabe...

For some men....talking and getting their feelings out into the open IS EASY!

For others---who wish to avoid confrontation or just don't feel comfortable looking at another human being while spitting the words out---IT'S VERY DIFFICULT! .

Move on....but don't expect the "just friends" thing to happen immediately.

For some of us, it takes a little longer to 'go through a transition' than it does for others!

Pianoguy

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