I saw him yesterday
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| Sat, 12-02-2006 - 8:51pm |
I posted a message a few days ago about my boyfriend breaking up with me. You can find it here: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21486.1&ctx=128
Anyway, I saw him yesterday for the first time since our break up. Every Friday, an organization we are in has a game night in one of the buildings on campus. I skipped the organization's meeting this week since he broke up with me about an hour before the meeting, but I decided I wasn't going to skip game night just because there was a chance he might be there.
So, I did my make up, put on a cute top, and made sure I looked nice, and I went to the game night. I normally make sure I look cute for game night anyway. The day after we broke up, I looked kinda like death warmed over. That wasn't happening Friday though.
Anyway, I got there and made my rounds to see what was going on. Two of our friends were in one room playing cards and I sat down at their table. One of them called me evil, and I asked why. He responded with, "Because you're going out with--" The other boy told him multiple times to shut up before the first friend finished with "--a hippy." The second friend, again, told him to shut up, and I informed him that I was no longer dating a hippy. He broke up with me Wednesday. (It's a running joke that he is a hippy.) The friend felt bad that he brought it up, but he didn't know, so what can ya do?
I eventually went and sat down to watch two of my ex's really good friends who I am also friends with play a game. Then my ex showed up. I smiled and said hello and was polite. I didn't run or avoid him. I stayed in the room for a decent amount of time before moving on to greet other people and see what they were doing. Then, I played a game with the two good friends of my ex while he watched. I smiled and laughed and enjoyed myself. He wouldn't look at me most of the night. He said one thing to me, and it wasn't all too friendly sounding. You would think I had broken up with him, not the other way around.
Anyway, I was at the end of the hall practicing ballet because I actually had an adequate amount of space to do so and there was an office with a large glass wall that I could see my reflection in. Eventually, the two close friends of my ex said they wanted to see what I was working on and asked me to move down the hall to where they were. I did, and I showed them my dance.
My ex has seen me dance once before. It, too, was at a game night when I just so happened to have my pointe shoes (I had been practicing earlier in the day and my pointe shoes were in my purse) and people had requested that I show them. Some of them had been bugging me for a while to let them see me dance so I finally gave in. Then they wanted to see how flexible I am. My now ex thought it was extremely hot, and we ended up sneaking down to the third floor to have a little fun.
I danced last night, and people enjoyed it. My ex wouldn't even look at me though. He just sat there looking down or away the entire time until I was finished. I just find that kind of odd. He wants to still be friends, but he can't look at me? I wish I knew what was going on in his head. I can't figure out if he thinks he made a mistake or if he is ashamed or if he is upset by the fact that I will not act upset or what. I'm at a bit of a loss.
If he read my live journal, he would know I'm upset. Whether he reads it or not is beyond me, but he knows I have one. I know one of his close friends that I mentioned previously does read it so if he confides in said friend that he is upset by my being so nonchalant about it, I think the friend could vouch for the fact that I AM upset; I'm just not putting it on display. Just because I am upset and willing to write about it doesn't mean that I have to act like it when I'm around our friends. I'm just trying to lead life as normally as I can and behave like a mature adult. That doesn't mean I'm not hurting though, because I am.
I don't know. I do miss him. Everything reminds me of him--things that he would say, conversations we have had, etc. It really sucks. I'm curious to see how he acts on Monday in class--if he even goes (sometimes he doesn't because, well, both of us could pass without ever showing up). I'm going to sit where I normally sit. I think I'll find it quite hurtful if he doesn't. Again, he broke up with me. If I'm ok sitting next to him, I don't see why he shouldn't be ok with it. I guess we'll see.
