I saw my ex with another girl...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2004
I saw my ex with another girl...
2
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 6:50pm


I was dating my boyfriend for 6 months. I strongly believed he was the one and we often discussed marriage. However, we fought often due to being in different stages in our lives. He was self employed, I was unenployed struggling with finding a job etc. I acted immaturally and broke up with him four times. I never thought he would take me seriously, I was just trying to get a point accros. Finally he couldn't take it and ended it. I have leared my lesson since. It has been 2 months and I cannot get over this. I am really struggling. Two weeks ago I saw him with another girl and was devestated. We were at a bar and I pretended I was with another man to get a reaction out of him. It worked because he approached a friend of mine and asked what was going on. This past weekend he showed up at my job (a restaurant which he has not set foot in since we broke up) with his new girlfriend. I am so upset that he would do this to me when he knew I was there. I remained calm and politly introduced myself to her and was friendly to him and showed no signs of my sadness. I am struggling with this everyday and just don't know what to do anymore. I've heard over and over that if it is not meant to be it cant be forced, time heals, etc. However, nothing seems to be hleping. Can anyone offer any advcice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 12:34pm
I'm sorry for your pain. I think you behaved admirably when you came face to face with his new girlfriend. Many people would have overreacted. You must have been dying inside. It's particularly painful grieving a relationship when we know we should place much of the blame on ourselves. I'm at a point now where I'm past the initial shock and anger of finding my live-in boyfriend of two years with another woman. Now I'm beginning to examine my own actions in our relationship and I'm ashamed. I often acted immaturely and used my anger in very negative and inappropriate ways against a man who was tender and gentle. Although there is no excuse for what he did, I can't deny that I often made things difficult and painful for him while I wrestled with demons from my previous marriage, financial struggles, etc. The only thing I can say is that we must remember the pain we're feeling and remember our negative actions caused this pain and try to learn from it. I never want to live with the guilt and remorse of hurting or driving away someone precious to me again. So I will be a better and wiser person the next time I meet someone special. You will be too. You will get better though it seems a long way off right now. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 11:05pm
The other day my EX brought up some girl who he called a "friend" out of nowhere in a conversation and then kept talking about her, knowing I would ask questions and then he kept telling me how happy he was with her etc, etc. The funny thing was, I knew exactly why he brought her up .. to make me ask questions and to give him a reaction .. which I didn't. He then asks me if I'm dating anyone new .. if I'd even "been" with someone else besides him. I know what he wants to hear ... he wants me to tell him how much I miss him and how my life isn't as "great" as his or that my life sucks without him .. but you know what .. I'm not playing his little game. He has to keep telling me how "happy" he is over and over .. I don't believe it. It's like he's trying to convince himself that he's happy by telling me. I could care less to be honest what his life is like! He's even getting his best friend to ask things about my life ... it's so stupid! I just realize now that he's an immature boy with a lot of growing up to do and thank god I don't have to endure him anymore!

Lynne