I shouldn't be happy about this but...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
I shouldn't be happy about this but...
9
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 7:42pm
He finally called Sunday after three weeks of nothing. I posted before about how I came home and he was gone and I was worried I would never hear from him again. I know NC is the way to go and I kinda respected the rule. I looked at his number on the caller ID but I didn't pick up. I think he wanted me to see the number and call him back, but I didn't do that. It was so weird because I felt like I was hitting rock bottom on Sunday. I could not stop crying and later on that night he calls twice. I felt great to know that he at least was thinking of me and perhaps feeling a little of what I am going through. I've been feeling pretty good ever since. That little semblence of care is all I really wanted. Now if he continues to call, I guess I should change my number and really start moving on. I just don't know if I'm ready for that yet. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Tue, 11-30-2004 - 10:51pm
Of COURSE you should be happy! In the midst of a painful break-up, especially an unexplained disappearance, ENJOY the tiny piece of power you have taken back when he finally called and you held your own by not calling. CONGRATS! That isn't an easy thing to do. You seem to be showing all the signs of healing. HIGH FIVE GIRL! DO NOT overlook the very real possibility that he used those three weeks to "sow his oats" and is now regretting the decision and wants you back. GUYS DO IT EVERY DAY, EVERY HOUR. I love men just as much as the next female, but be very careful before giving into any mushy feelings of re-uniting. It's important to give your mate freedom, but if he/she uses it to fornicate with others and betray your trust...dump them now and move on. I applaud the strength you've shown, but completely understand the need to get back together and try "one more time." If you want to do that, DO YOUR HOMEWORK! Find out where he's been hanging out, who he's e-mailed, phoned, etc. Tell him to give you his computer passwords so you can freely browse (do this on the spot, at his place, so he doesn't have time to delete)!Shoot, make him take a lie-detector test...there's plenty of organizations in the Yellow Pages who'd be happy to make him answer a few SIMPLE questions. O.K. I'm rambling, just want to make sure you don't set yourself up for more hurt by handing him power that belongs to you. Read "He's Scared, She's Scared" and "Why Men Love Bitches" before making any serious decisions. Good Luck...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2004
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 1:06am
I have the "bitches" book and it's awsome.....take your time and make him sweat
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 3:51pm

I cant believe what Im reading.

Its this : " That little semblence of care is all I really wanted. Now if he continues to call, I guess I should change my number and really start moving on ".

Maybe I think as a man , yes I am but for me, if I call a girl after a break up to see how she is doing AND she thanks it by changing her number, oh how poor and ungrateful she is!.

Maybe u see it as "healing" (which it may seem what most girls think it is) but believe me, me and possibly any man will think of that kind of actions as utterly gross and never giving the relationship the value it (supposedly) had.

THANK U.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 6:07pm

What if your ex has clearly and politely asked you NOT to contact her until she's had time to heal (and said she will contact you when she's ready)? In that case, a phone call to see how she's doing would be disrespectful and unkind, don't you think? I would (and have) blocked exes who didn't respect me enough to do as I had asked.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 6:39pm
I agree with Sheri 100%. Contacting her knowing she may not be completely over him is straight out thoughtless. If he cared about her one iota he should respect her by leaving her alone instead of thinking only about himself. Lucy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 6:48pm
Honestly I didn't ask him not to contact me. I was waiting for him to call me. I was upset that he didn't. Everyone else here posts about how to get ex's to stop calling and mine never called until now. I'm not upset that he called. It made me feel better. I didn't answer the phone and I'm sure he knew I was home. He hasn't called since, so maybe that was it. I'm not over him, but hearing from him doesn't send me into a crying frenzy either. Whether he calls again or not doesn't bother me. The situation is what it is. He's gone, we're not together and I've accepted that. I know I'm crazy, but I just wanted him to call me so that he can eat his words of "I can cut you off cold" Well obviously he couldn't. He's not as tough as he thinks he is. :D
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 6:54pm

Sorry, I was responding to "Male Intruder"...his post seemed to imply that an ex should be able to call you no matter what and that it was rude to not take his calls. I disagree, in situations where you've clearly conveyed that you don't want to talk to him. It was a hypothetical, not your situation.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 7:05pm
Oh my goodness, I am sorry then! I thought you asked him to leave you alone and he didn't. I should learn to read better! Well, if he called and you are okay with it well then good for you, at least you do know that he is thinking about you. But I will go back to what Sheri always says in her posts, if you are not completely over him you might want to consider the no contact because the calls even few and far between sometimes keeps us hanging on a string. I recently had to cut the strings and while I hit the floor hard, my bruises are healing! SMILE. Take care. Lucy
Avatar for alsatia23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 1:16pm

I haven't heard from my ex-fiance since he left me over the phone.







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