i slept with my ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
i slept with my ex
2
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 5:49pm

my ex and i broke up about three months ago. in that time, we've had very limited contact and i've seen him only three times. the first two times we hung out, nothing happened - no sex, nothing - these first two times, nothing happened because i in particular prevented anything from happening. however, we hung out again last night - i got really drunk; we went back to his place because i couldn't drive home, and we ended up having sex. when we woke up this morning, we both felt confused.

he even said to me this morning "you broke your word." he said it was strange and awkward that we had sex, and i absolutely agree. we both decided that us having sex as exes is a terrible idea. we both plan on not repeating this. however, all my feelings for him have returned. i was doing so well (and so was he, i believe) but now i feel as though i am back to square one as far as missing him, and wanting to be with him again, and i could sense he felt the same way too. i can't stop thinking about what happened and i feel awful and regretful. we are both casually dating other people, which makes it more complicated and i'm trying to not be jealous. this morning, we briefly talked about getting back together. it's obvious we both still miss and love each other, and ultimately want to get back together. BUT...i don't know if the sex has scared us - it seems like it has, especially now that we have to deal with the feelings we were repressing.

i'm not sure what to do. should i stop talking to him? should we talk about this some more? how do u deal with an ex after you sleep with them? we parted on good terms this morning - we decided to accept that we made a mistake by sleeping together and to make sure it never happens again. however, now i'm not sure how to communicate with him. please advise!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 8:40pm
What I noticed was that the times you saw each other before you didn't talk about getting back together. That discussion didn't come up until you had sex. Do you think you both may have been vulnerable after the sex to allow the discussion to lead to getting back together because you had been intimate? Just curious.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 12:28am

Wow...you're absolutely right. I hadn't even noticed that. The first time we saw each other though, one of the first things he said to me after we hugged and stuff was "do you want to get back together?" and then i asked him if that was why he had wanted to see me, and then he got uncomfortable and changed the subject.

But back to what happened this weekend, are you suggesting that the intimacy creates some type of need to reconcile in some way? How do I go about checking this? I'm just not sure how to interact with him from now on, and I believe he feels the exact same way.