I Slipped and Fell After 43 Days of NC
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| Mon, 07-24-2006 - 4:43pm |
Yes I did it!!! I made contact with the ex. It happen just this past Friday. My cousin and I went out on Friday after work, had a few glasses of wine, talking about our exes, and when I get home, something just came over me and I just wanted to hear his voice. When I called, he seem really glad to hear from me. He asked how I was doing and asked about how my daughter was doing. I was really surprised at the response. We didn't argure and have any harsh words. The conversation was short and sweet. He did ask why I was calling and I told him, "just to say hi and see were you still alive and kicking." He said yes and asked was I okay. That was pretty much it.
I had heard a few weeks earlier that he and his girl (who is one of his exes), had broken up and he had moved out. He and I broke up in February and he moved in with her in April, announced he was going to marry her, etc. In July, he told everyone, "I'm not marrying her, she's crazy." Well, don't know what happen, but I felt good about it.
On Sunday, after making contact with him on Friday, I heard through a close family member that he had went back to her. I guess they made up. I was depressed all day.
TODAY, I am going to RE-START my NO CONTACT!!! I am not only going to not contact him, but also his family members. They always seem to come around and talk to me about what's going on. I just don't need to hear anything about him. He is with her and apparently that's where he wants to be.

Hey, it's ok to slip and fall. It's part of the whole process, and you have learned from it. Let me tell you from recent experience, maintaining NC will be the hardiest thing to do when breaking up. I mean it's hard!!! You will find, to overcome and sustain it, takes something deep down inside of your soul. It's something I can't even describe, until you overcome it. I have sustained and overcame 1 1/2 year of NC. In the beginning, I broke down after 2 mos, but it was a diaster, and maintained 1 1/2 year from that point on. It was a struggle. But after awhile, I just thought, if he really wanted to talk to me, he would find a way, and he didn't.
Sometimes "US" women are afraid if we don't keep contact, were going to lose them to someone else, or they might forget about us. Usually that happens, but we have to take that chance. By continueing to break NC, we never give men the chance to fight for us. "WE" always have to be the one to try and make it work. "WE" really need to stop that cycle, it's so damaging. I really believe now, that after what I went thru, I will never allow myself to fight for a relationship if the other person doesn't show they want to fight as well. A relationship shouldn't take alot of work, and if it does, then it's not to be. You held down 43 days of NC, and you should be proud of that. It's hard to do, but you did, and you could do another 43 days. But let me tell you, 900 days could go by without NC, and then day 901, or 902, whatever, out of nowhere, that urge to call will come. I promise you, especially when your doing good, and feeling good, and dating again. It will never leave you, until you actually fall in love again, and who's to say, when that happens, the urge won't come. Just take your days, as they come, and like every woman who keeps track of NC days, those days, lead to months and then you'll make your one year anniversary. I promise you. Keep it up, and if you fall again, it's ok. You'll keep falling, but one day, you'll get up and stay up, that's a promise to you from me. Take care
Hi dev242. Thank you so much for responding to my post. It feels good when someone can give you good advice.
You are right, if he wanted to contact me he would. If he wants to fight for this, he would have. It seems though, his family, (brothers, cousins, nephew, friends), all come around me all the time. They sometimes just show up without calling to see what's going on. I know that they are talking to him and telling him things about what's going on with me just like they are telling me what's going on with him. The family and I were always pretty close, so they still always come around. I just feel that I need to break contact with them so the less they know about me the less I will know about him.
He did contact quite a bit in the beginning of our breakup, I GUESS because of maybe guilt or some hurt. I know we both hurt, but he got rid of his quick with his ex. She has been his ex several times, because everytime he gets out of a relationship with someone, she always takes him back. She herself have also dated/slept with his brother and other family members when he is in other relationships. (She's a garden tool, if you know what I mean). I don't know how much of this he knows but, oh well, he gets what he deserves. (info I got from close family members). JUST VENTING!!!
Well, I have to take care of me and NO CONTACT is the very best. I am planning on going back to school in the fall, going to join a volleyball team at work, got membership at the gym to workout, going out with friends, have met some nice male friends (but not really interested), and getting back into church. This will take a lot of prayer and spiritual guidance to get through. I have never been in a relationship that I felt this way for this long. I sometimes feel like I have lost control, but I know time heals all. Thanks again for making my day and making me see further into the future. I will do another 43 and another and another!!!! Take care.