I slipped a little
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I slipped a little
| Tue, 12-11-2007 - 5:53pm |
I caved a little. I checked his twitter to see what he was up to. I felt this enormous amount of pressure building and it burst, so say the least. Aside from THAT there here has been no contact. There was no real info, mostly stuff he’s been up to relating to work. Big surprise.

You know the phrase, it's always darkest before the dawn?
Twitter is like a blog, but just with short phrases like, "i'm at such and such restaurant having dinner." i know, it's hard to keep up with technology. I know that website by heart, unfortunately.
I actually felt pretty healthy at first, but now it feels so lonely. You're right in that maybe I still had hope...in fact I probably deep down (and maybe not even that deep) I still hope he comes back for me. I moved new apartments. Not because I had to, but because I had always wanted to get out of that apt and get a place with a bedroom door and was supposed to move with him to the new city. Since I moved I 1/2 regret my decision. One because my job might be turning upside down, and two because at least it felt comfortable and familiar.
My heart wants to badly for him to come back to me, even though my head says that most likely isn't going to happen. We had a what I thought was a really healthy relationship, but I really think he got scared. We left of good terms I guess you could say but one that had no mention of future contact. I know for sure I can't just be friends with him.
I hope I can suck Christmas day up as, just another day and not get too down. Thankfully I've never been a fan of NYE anyway so that won't be too bad.
As far as the class. It's not a super, super big want, but it is a two day a week, fitness/team kind of thing, and think it might help meeting some new people, even if it is just friendships.
There are good days and bad days even after a few months.
The holidays can suck sometimes.
I think I'm going to have to accept that this depression is still just a phase, with possible bad timing with the holidays. I can wish all I want, the fact is I...me...I can't make it happen. maybe I should feel OK with just feeling down and stop fighting it so much? Believe me, I keep very busy! I did sign up for the class which will be 2x week starting in january. i hope it's fun. but at the end of they day I just think about him and wishing things could still be the same. i do hope this is the worst of it. :(
I will really give the advice you all have given some thought. thanks!
The reason that some days are more difficult is that healing is process. It's not linear, and the holidays can often make it worse.
The good news is that there are lots of techniques to help you through the process:
-Ever try exploring your feelings by keeping a journal or writing a letter to your ex? It's cathartic to get things off your chest. Whether you mail it or not doesn't matter, recognizing your emotions is most important.
-Discover your motivation for engaging in relationships. Be honest! Which of your needs was getting fulfilled by your relationship? Fear of being alone? Financial security? Did you simply stay for the sake of the children? What was the real reason you broke up? Often, it's because as a couple you were either not compatible (didn't have the same needs, goals, world views, etc) or communication was poor. Therefore, to help ensure the chances of finding healthy relationships in the future, it is vital to learn from your past.
While coping with a break up or divorce can feel hopeless or overwhelming, remember that time is a great healer. Always keep this in mind: Your problems and feeling are temporary, and you are bigger than both of them. So hang in there, because the longer you hang on means you are one day closer to feeling better. In fact, if you take the time to heal you will come out of the relationship MORE experienced and even MORE able to engage in loving relationships!
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I actually do write and that does help a lot. Both in a journal and a blog (which ex can't read).
I think I have a pretty healthy perspective on entering and exiting relationships. One that I haven't always had, but had in this last relationship, which is why I'm so NOT the psycho ex who tries to call, text, etc. My needs to be in a relationship is to share my life with someone. I've always been a big advocate for NOT going into a relationship for anything more, whether that be for emotional support or financial or whatever. I've seen too many people make that mistake. As far as what
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Reading your story was very helpful for me today.