i slipped...grr
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| Thu, 03-30-2006 - 8:59pm |
grr i slipped up tonight and im feeling really bad about it. and under different circumstances i would had just stayed not talking to him, but like i have said earlier i felt that i needed to somewhat be there and not be rude and completely disappear (i know i know what you all are going to say..but he is being a jerk, he doesnt deserve you to talk to him) but i am going away for a few days, im not going to be able to talk to him for several days, and its not like to me to just go MIA. And what he is going through, if i was absoltely hated somebody, its still nice to have someone say "hey just thought you needed someone to talk to..."
i hate beating myself up like this, but i cant help it. I feel guilty for leaving even though im better off. I know im going to slip and its going to take baby steps. I would rather tell someone that I need time off and space rather than say gooodbye like that, i know i would be annoyed if someone did that to me.
i also thought as much as he said he wants me to be his friend, that he'd fight for me to stay in his life as friends...but there isnt much of a fight right now. maybe he is thinking that i am just kidding around and that i will end up being there...i dont know if thats going to happen at this moment...im too hurt right now:(
but thanks, i just needed to vent and let myself know thats it ok that i slipped and that at night i can go to sleep with a clear conscious versus him...

dance147...
PG knows that EVERYBODY screws up once in a while. . But the good news is:
You've awakened into a brand new month (APRIL)....and now you can reaffirm the promise you made (but broke) during March.
30 days not to SCREW UP A 2nd TIME! Isn't that fantastic?
Pianoguy
thanks for your response PG!
this has been the hardest part, these past couple of days. I know I'm better off without him, at least for now, but its been really hard lately because for a good while he was the one who I turned to tell all my good news, bad news, for support...and I know I have wonderful friends and family who I have relied upon to help me through this, but I know I long to hear him reach out to me and see how I am doing, say he misses me around too.
I feel embarrased somewhat for sharing so much of me with him last week (about me still wanting to be with him, how i never gave up on him etc) and i def do not want to become that crazy psycho ex, but its hard not to have those feelings about someone who you cared so much about for the longest time.
a part of me was thinking earlier about taking advantage of this break and going along with this whole not hanging out for a lil while to really take some time for me and not feel guilty about it so that maybe one day down the road we can be better friends.
im not the type of person who completely leaves people, but i know i need to seperate myself from him for a good bit, like maybe a month. its going to be really hard but since he obviously needs some time to sort things out, maybe this is a blessing in disguise...
i just want to stop hurting and be ok, and maybe one day down the road be happy for him if he is with someone else and not get so upset if he chooses another girl over me...
any suggestions or advice would be most helpful...
thanks for letting me bring that out and taking a few min to read all this...have a good one!
dance147...
When each of us can wake up to the sight of a beautiful sunrise, the smell of fresh cut flowers (or even a new patch of green grass), the sound of birds singing their hearts out, the taste of that first cup of freshly brewed coffee or glass of freshly squeezed orange juice....and realize (through our personal thoughts and feelings) that we've got another day ahead to DO THINGS RIGHT FOR OURSELVES...
Missing an "outsider" who wasn't really interested in sharing these joys with us...wasn't that much of a loss to begin with!
Best wishes and warm thoughts...
Pianoguy