I spoke TOO soon!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
I spoke TOO soon!
8
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 8:32pm
So last night I posted about having 84 days of NC and feeling like I was having a relapse. Well no sooner did I submit my post and I look at my phone and there is THE missed call. Ironically, he must have been feeling the same way and decided it was time to make contact. I called him back after about an hour and we talked for 45 minutes. I am now even more confused than ever. It was a good conversation, very open and candid. There was no talk of getting back together or seeing each other but he wants to talk again. As much as I wanted to email or call him today, I did not. What do I do? Do I not talk to him? Should I have not called him back? Deep down, I will always love him but after 3 breakups, I am bruised and hurt and afraid of it happening again. I would love your advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 9:51am
Please don't get offended when I say this but don't call him back and move on. I personally beleive that if you break up once but are able to acknowledge what went wrong and work on fixing it then that's okay. But when you break up more then once it's not a good sign and you have to ask yourself is all the pain worth it? Sometimes you really need to make a fresh start.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 2:53pm
I agree. Do you really want to go ALL THAT for the fourth time? Has anything really changed?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 3:20pm

Ok you already know he doesn't want to get back together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 6:41pm
I am gonna have to agree with everyone. I know it's hard to not return that call but I have to tell you that my ex who broke up with me for the 5th time over 5 years last Sunday, four months after our 3rd breakup started calling me. I returned the calls, we met, we ended up together, we moved in together and he broke up with me 2 more times since then. I am hoping I can be stronger this time and stand my ground and I am hoping you can too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 8:10pm

Thanks Ladies,

I know you are all right. I need to be strong right now. It's so hard though. This is the man I thought I was meant to be with. I should clarify that all the breakups were not necessarily on his part. I pushed him. It's not an excuse, I know, but I did play a part. It's very hard to put finality to this and wonder if I am making the right choice. I still feel strong and know I can persevere thru it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 12:58am


hey!
just out of curiosity - you mentioned that your ex started callin 4 months post break up ?? any significance for the 4 months??

im on 3 months NC. he hasn't contacted me at all. then again i haven't made it easier for him. blocked him online and chnaged my number. though of course, like they say , if a man really wants to call you he will find a way.

we were together for 4 years. 3 months is a shorttime but i'm doing better. but yes , being on this board helps so much, like i know EVEN if he calls, i'm NOT ging to take his calls at all. noticed though that most exs do call , if not for reconciliation, justto "check up" . i've got nothing like that from mine other than the occasional snooping on my social networking site. let's see.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 5:44am
Hi I'm also going to have to agree. I just posted above about the Friendship "Trap". I'm the guy...and I just kind of got hit with being the "Friend" who learned his "Friend" now has a new bf. Time, distance, reflection will help you heal. But getting sucked into his drama won't help. I think it's hard to accept that something is over. We're taught to keep fighting for what we believe in. But that's counter-intuitive to self-preservation necessary to surviving a break-up. Your self-esteem is hit, you're confused about whether you did the right thing, could you change anything, what if....lots of what if's....and the very fact you're posting here means you're not certain yourself. It's hard to resist but no contact is the only way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 10:52am
Actually he called after he had accidentally run into me. Don't expect a call. It sounds to me you are hoping that he calls. If he knew what he wanted to begin with you would still be together.