I STILL can't believe it!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2006
I STILL can't believe it!!!
5
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 12:25pm
Was dating a guy for three months. We didn't rush into anything right away. Spent quite a bit of time together. Everything was so normal! Normal up until this past Saturday. We went out on Friday night with his friends and some of his cousins...had a pretty good time. We go back to my house later that evening. He poses the question of whether or not I want to have any more children (I'm divorced with two children - he's never been married or has any children). It took me by surprise because at that point, we hadn't really had any of those "serious" type conversations. I told him that I wouldn't be opposed to it. He tried to convince me that during some of my conversations, I've come across as "not wanting anymore children" and that maybe we're just at different places in our lives and that someday he may want to have children. I tried to convince him that I wasn't opposed to having more children, but I almost felt like he was using it as an excuse. I really don't think he expected me to say that I wanted more children and that he was looking for an easy out. At any rate, he stayed the night and one thing lead to another. After being intimate again in the morning, we made plans for later that evening. Ten minutes after he left my house, I called him. I told him that I was uncomfortable with the conversation he brought up and even though he said the night before that it wasn't an "excuse", I needed to know if he wanted to pursuse our relationship. His answer...NO. He didn't want to pursue the relationship any further...to say the least, I was and still am heartbroken!! He thought that he could try to overcome my having two children, but he couldn't. He said that if I didn't have children, the circumstances would be different and he would pursue the relationship. He thought he was falling in love with me, but he wasn't. He cared for me and really enjoyed spending time with me, blah, blah, blah, blah. This came right out of left field....up until then, he was the nicest, most sincere and genuine person...and all within 45 mins, being intimate with me, making plans with me and then telling me he didn't want to see me anymore...ALL WITHIN 45 MINS!!!! I know I need to let it go, but I'm in shock!!! At this age and point in my life, I'm still in shock as to how someone can do this. He had been involved with me for 3 months....I didn't go out just yesterday and get my kids!!! Hello! My friends have been very supportive of my almost emotional breakdown...and I know that in time, I will be much better. Maybe it's his age as well. I'm 38 and he's 31. Thanks...just needed to vent because this is all so fresh and I'm very, very hurt!


Edited 4/3/2006 1:17 pm ET by labmrscab
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 1:06pm

labmrscab...

Pianoguy shook his head after reading your post. Simply because your b/f's question was not only inappropriate...but hardly the stuff that most moms with 2 previous children want to think about answering! Face it!

There ARE some men out there who expect certain responses! If the woman doesn't provide the response (or answer) they expect...that's the man's cue to leave and end things abruptly! .

While you're probably having 2nd thoughts about your "night of love making"---look at the big picture instead.....please???

If this creep ever wanted to marry you, he'd probably eat the last bagel or ice cream in the fridge...or (worse)....use up the final sheet on the last roll of toilet paper!

And that would leave you both starving and (err)...embarrassed!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2004
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 1:06pm

Hi. I'm so sorry that things worked out that way. What the heck is wrong with people? I just broke up with my BF too, so my attitude is not the best. I just pray for all of us to find a great partner that can be real and honest. Just wanted you to know that you're not the only one going through this. I am a single mom too, and am 39.

~dremer

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2006
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 1:24pm
Piano Guy...thanks for the response. I've had some very bad relationships in the past and I really thought this guy was "normal"....everything was so right!! I've never been one of those women who need to be in a relationship. However, I really do miss doing things as a couple and I'm really mourning that loss. And again, I NEVER thought he would be so cold as to leave my house and w/in 15 mins tell me (on the phone, no less) that he didn't want to see me anymore. I have to wonder if I had not called him after he left, would he have went forward with our date that evening and taken advantage of me yet one more evening before the kids came back home!!! I'm hurt and disgusted!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2006
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 1:27pm

Dremer,

Thank you for the kind reply. I just don't understand why at our age (even 31) why the lies and games are necessary. Maybe I'm naive! I wish you the best in finding someone a person who will treat you as you wish to be treated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 8:00pm

labmrscab...

Pianoguy thinks that the gentleman (and PG uses the term VERY LOOSELY)....would have kept date #2....based on the sexual enticement.

And after that, the "telephone ending" you experienced the first time around would have been played out!

No woman (or man for that matter) DESERVES that type of treatment. So consider yourself free of an "unpleasant male wart" who would only blemish you and your sparkling personality overa short period of time!

Pianoguy