i still cant get over him!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2005
i still cant get over him!!!!
4
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 2:26am
i dont know if any of u rememebr me but i am 19 years old and i got out of a 4 1/2 year relationship with my first love about 4 or 5 months ago. im still hurting! i cant get over him! and i guess im not allowing myself to, but its just so hard. i still love him very much but i am angry for the things he did, as well as the things i did. right now, we talk sometimes, but its usually arguing, so in a way, hes making it easier for me to get over him, but i just cant. also, he is kinda with someone right now who he claims is only his friend and he doenst want to make any decisions right now so hes not going out with her. but they spend pretty much everyday wiht eachother and hes introduced her to his dad and stuff. (when he moved out of our apartment he moved back in with his dad). this upsets me tremendoulsy because i dont get how i am so easy to get over like that! i know hes probably kinda using her as a replacement for me (which also makes me mad) so he can get over me, but it still hurts so bad. i know i should be out there dating and all but im afraid in a way. its hard for me to trust ppl since i have been thru such a heartbreak. its so bad that i sometimes have panic attacks at night when i think about all we shared and how now its gone. and that makes me angry. so i guess i freak out. i need some advice. i cant afford a therapist and i dunno how to get out there and date again. i was with this guy for my whole 4 years of high school so i didnt get to experience that stuff. can anyone help?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2005
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 4:50pm

Hi,

I can totally feel your pain because I was in a similar situation before. I dated a guy for 4 years (all through highschool.) When I was 19, he broke up with me. He was also my everything. He was my first kiss, my first bf, my first sex. I couldn't accept the fact that we were over. I couldn't imagine myself without him. I started drinking a lot. I had fast heart beats, so I was admitted to the hospital and the doctor prescribed me calming pills. And one day, I took the the whole jar of pills. I almost died. I had to stay for three days in the hospital and I was barely conscious.

Today, I am 22 and I am completely over him. And guess what, I was able to fall in love again and get my heart broken again.

All I am trying to say here is that you are going to be Ok; however, you cannot do it while you are still in contact with him. He is not respecting you. Do you think you deserve the way he is treating you?
I know it is so hard. Try to push yourself to feel better. If you don't workout, start to work out. When you wake up in the morning, even if you feel so down and you don't care about the way you look, try to put some make up on and dress up well.
And at night, if you need to cry don't stop yourself.

Be prepared because it is such a hard process but it can be done and I am a living proof.

Good Luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2005
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 1:26pm
Wow I can definitely relate. My boyfriend of 3 years and I just broke up about a month ago. I'm 19 too and we spent all of our time together, not only was he my boyfriend but my best friend too. He was my first love and a lot more. He got me a promise ring and we planned on moving in together in the winter. And for me n u both being pretty young still.. this probably is one of the worst things to ever happen in our lives so far, especially since we spent so much of it with them. And it hurts even more because it seems like he don't even care! Just about everything reminds me of him, and I can't seem to get him out of my mind. I know it's really over for good, but for some reason I keep holding on.. I keep wishing he would talk to me and come back. And that's the problem. Until I let go, I can't start to feel better. Same with you. I mean I know every situation is different but keeping ties with him and always hearing about what hes doing keeps him in your life. Keep busy. And if you're not ready to date.. that's fine. I was stupid and started dating other people and partying lots just days after we broke up.. and I think that really just hurt me more, especially since I know I'm not ready to be with someone else. I think it's good to give yourself time to figure out who you are and to learn to love yourself again. I guess we've got to look at it like this... Every uphill has it's down and eventually things will get better. Just about everyone has gone, is going through or will go through in the future what we are going through now. If you find anything that really helps you with closure.. let me know! I could really use the advice! If you want to know my whole ugly story, you can read my post from a few days ago.. A Bad Breakup.. hopefully it will make you feel better knowing you're not the only one feeling this way! PS. No guy is worth your tears, and the one who is won't make you cry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 12:28pm
i feel your pain....it doesn't matter if you're 19 like yourself or 28 like me, or 60 for that matter....heartache is heartache and it hurts just the same. i was with my ex for 4 years (2 of which we lived together), and it's been a year since we broke up and i'm still trying to figure out how to heal and let go of him and "us". i think about him every waking hour and everytime memories come flooding into my head, it's like a knife going through my heart and i breakdown in tears....isn't heartbreak just terrible? So, as you can see, i can't give you advice on how to get over him, because i'm still trying to figure that out myself......but i can offer some advice on the whole "getting out there" again....i personally don't think you should yet. you are obviously still mending your broken heart along with other issues concerning your break up and trying to date again can distract you from the pain you feel now, and that is very tempting not to feel this horrible feeling of missing our exes but no good can really come out of dating again when you are not ready. trust me from experience, yes, when you are out there dating again, it will feel exciting, and fun, and the pain you feel right now actually does dissappear, but as soon as that new relationship goes sour, you will not only have to deal with a new heart break, but you will go sky diving right back into missing your ex and all these horrible feelings we have right now that we are trying to escape will come right back even stronger. for me it's been a year, and people tell me all the time to "get out there", but i know that i am not ready.....it's very tempting but i know it will only cause damage and harm to me in the long run to my emotional and mental well being.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 4:44pm
Seems there's a lot of us 19-year-olds on this board!!
I feel your pain and I wish I could make it better for you. Try to get closure with him. Talk to him one last time and make it clear that this is "goodbye".
If anything, I wish I could have that closure.
My ex and I were friends 3 years, dated 3 years. The month before he broke up with me, he had even asked my mom's permission to marry me.
About 3 months after the initial breakup he just stopped calling one day even though he said "I'll call you later". During the breakup we'd been trying to work out the problems we'd had and had talked of getting back together later in the year. 2 weeks before he stopped calling we had even gone to KY together to visit friends. 2 weeks after he mysteriously stopped calling me, through text he told me to "leave him alone". He wouldn't even answer the phone when I called him (I tried 1 week after he stopped calling to text him, no response. then I tried 2 weeks after he stopped calling and he wouldn't answer but did respond to text)
I know he already has a new girl, one with 2 kids as a matter of fact, so that's probably why he's acting the way he is. But you'd hope that someone who's been in your life for 6 years could at least tell you goodbye. Not just drop off the face of the earth. So try to get closure.
If I could just talk to him on the phone for 1 minute, 30 seconds even, just to tell him goodbye, then I could move on with my life. He's changed so much and become such a horrible person that I don't love him anymore. But it's hard to let go of all the anger and confusion and hurt when you didn't even get a goodbye...
Good luck! Big HUGS!
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