I Still NEED Alot more ADVICE/HELP!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
I Still NEED Alot more ADVICE/HELP!!!!!!
1
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 8:50am

UPDATE TO: I REALLY NEED YOUR ADVICE RE: THIS MAN!!!

This man and I DID NOT have an affair. I would never have bothered with him in the first place if he told me that he really wanted to be with her. He told me that his relationship with her was over and that with or without me, he was leaving that SITUATION. This man is 56 years old and I am 43.

I used to see this man eyeing me for months before he approached. He waited until he thought he was safe and she was out of his life. But he approached me too prematurely, and thought he could resolve everything with her without having to tell me. But as you can see it didn't work out that way.

Her mother was staying with them and is due back next month. He told me that he told his partner that when her mother comes back, he WILL NOT be there. He said that aside from the problems that they have, he CAN NOT live his life the way he wants to.

He even told me that he told her a couple of times that they have to decide on what they are going to do in regards to the house as HE IS GOING.

When he came into my life this man and his partner were going their separate ways....she was getting her own apartment. Her mother stepped in and said if you leave my daughter, I will see you in the poor house. His concern all this time was being able to afford another home....he DOES NOT want to settle for an apartment. He told me he thought she would be gone by now.

On Valentine's Day we exchanged cards. The next day he told me that he hadn't seen his partner for a couple of days due to her work schedule. He said, "I don't know if she even got a Valentine. It would be nice if someone was sweet on her at work, and she came and told me that she found someone."

I don't intend to bother with this man anymore, but everything that I said in my story is what this man has told me. He made me believe that I was the one that he wanted....and the only reason why he was still sharing HIS home with her is due to the FINANCIAL BIND that he is in. He told me that he has to make the mortgage payments as she is not able to do it.

But they must be discussing something, because just last week when we were talking and once again he said, "I thought she would be gone by now." I said, "She is still there because she wants you.". He said, "Actually she wants the house." But he said, "Where the house is in my name, I can sell it."

Something is DEFINITELY not right with their relationship. I don't believe that he lied about everything.

What is your take on all of this?

ALMOZA

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 9:16am

I believe just from what you've posted here, even moreso, actually, that he lied and continues to lie about everything to you because you will actually sit there and listen to what he has to say.

Stop making excuses for him.

Stop listening to him.

Everytime he opens his mouth, realize a lie is about to come out of it.

IF it is true that there is nothing between them any longer, then there really should be NO, repeat, NO reason why you can't just saunter on over to their home and have dinner with them. See what he says about that.

They're not discussing anything except where to go next year on vacation. Together.

Woman, this man is an EXPERT at manipulation and you are falling for it. His job in working you over (yes, working you over) is to do anything, say anything, that will keep you around, keep you believing, keep you hoping, keep you thinking that this is somehow alright. It's not. It stinks, it sucks, and you are half a step shy from being an absolute homewrecker. You are right on the brink and I have a very hard time believing you cannot see this, I know you must FEEL it.

THAT is my take on all of this. Get out while you can still save your dignity.

~~.: Sandra :.~~


CL- Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

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