I sure screwed this up
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| Thu, 11-16-2006 - 3:27pm |
I have been with him for over 2 years. We broke up after moving away together because he was becoming very impatient with me and would get easily angered. He kicked me out of our home and I was forced to quit my job and move back in with my parents. Actually it was after I had already made my arrangments to move did he appologize and beg for forgiveness and asked me not to leave. Of course I was sucked in. However, I ended up leaving because I didn't want to stay in a position where I was uncertain of a roof over my head. So he stayed in the little town 3 hours away from my home town for only 3 weeks after I left. Then he moved home (we are both from the same town). Now at this point we are still "together" just not living together and suppose to be taking things "slow". I thought I was reacting the right way. It was pretty sloppy ever since then. He did not want to take things slow and he couldn't stand the fact that I was reuniting with my friends and doing things again. So he said he wanted to end communication with me. He said for me to only contact him if I could get back together with him and be more of a commitment. So shortly after I did. We got back together and I spent more time with him and it was great, I was really happy and was thinking, this was the fresh start we needed. Well little did I know that while we were not talking (which was only for about a week) He decides to brefriend an old girlfriend. One that he knows is obsessed with him and crazy. They hang out, have mutual friends and talk on the phone and email. When me and him got back together he didn't bother to tell me about his new found "friendship" with his ex. Nor did he cut off communications with her. I found out cause she got jealous that we were back together so she forwarded all of their emails to me! I read all their emails about how they were so glad to be back in touch and loved spending time together, blah blah blah. I confronted him about it and ended it with him. But he was soooo sorry and he really said he was done with her. Actually he was done with her before I found out but still he didn't tell me it ever existed. But the point is he lied when we were trying to make a fresh start. Well we never really stopped all communications, there were emails, texts, messenger, etc. He finally said I can't do this anymore, its too hard to talk to you and not be with you. (which actually I was fine with) So once again, just to keep some communication, I got back together wiht him.
That was last night.
My questions are as follows:
first off, why would I want to work things out with a guy who kicked me out of our home?
-why would I get back together with him again after he lied?
-why do I need to hear from him? why do i need some form of communication with him?
-I was totally fine with him doing his thing and me hangin with my friends, I just wanted to talk to him occasionally. That can't be good.
-finally, why can't i let this guy go? Its so hard separating yourself from someone who has been in your every day, hour and minute for the past 2 1/2 yrs.
Any tips on what to do on those long boring days at work (thats when I want to text him)
Any tips on what to do when you can't go out with your friends cause you got work the next morning? (thats when I want to message him)
I know I have to call it off with him cause my head is telling me this isn't right, but my heart is being so stubborn.
Thanks for listening

To address your questions:
My questions are as follows:
first off, why would I want to work things out with a guy who kicked me out of our home?
-why would I get back together with him again after he lied?
-why do I need to hear from him? why do i need some form of communication with him?
-I was totally fine with him doing his thing and me hangin with my friends, I just wanted to talk to him occasionally. That can't be good.
-finally, why can't i let this guy go? Its so hard separating yourself from someone who has been in your every day, hour and minute for the past 2 1/2 yrs.
Healing and going through the grief process takes time. Everything you feel (and want to do) is NORMAL. We don't like to feel bad about ourselves and if we 'check in' with an ex and they are nice, it makes us feel good. The problem is that it's short-lived AND that good feeling about ourselves needs to come from within us. We want 'what could have been' what we hoped would have been, what might have been, if only the other person didn't do or could have done X, Y or Z. (Like not lie, not kick you out, etc).
Accept that he didn't have the level of integrity you want and need in a partner, that this is HIS character flaw, not yours.
::Any tips on what to do on those long boring days at work (thats when I want to text him)
Any tips on what to do when you can't go out with your friends cause you got work the next morning? (thats when I want to message him)
Amy time you feel like calling or texting him, pick up a pen and paper instead and journal write, or write him an UNSENT letter. Tell him everything you want to say, explain why you are writing, vent on paper. If it's a letter to him, burn it when you are done. It will help. Do as often as necessary.
While you are writing, also make a list of things you enjoy and start doing them. It's the holiday season, so there are tons of things to do, but also put on the list things to pamper yourself. Take a bubble bath, go for a walk. Or rearrange furniture, clean a closet or help a friend with those things. Make cookies, take them to work the next day so you don't eat them all - LOL.
Babysit for a friend, so the friend can shop for her family. Teach the kid to make cookies, string popcorn, play a game - Go Fish, Poker, Uno, play a board game, anything will help take your mind off what you feel. But when you feel it, embrace it. Have a good cry, write unsentn letters, etc.
Help someone decorate for the holidays. Make someone a hand-made gift. Get creative - crocett, bake, paint, write a poem, take photos.
My best to you.
Carrie