I think he is wrong. We should be togeth
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 01-01-2006 - 3:51pm |
I hate this.
He decided to end it on Thursday night, and we are kind of turning it into a 3 day wekend break up. He moves about 600 miles away Tuesday for a new job ( he works in politics, it will last through november and if the person is elected he could stay there or move to DC, he said he would prefer to stay there.), and decided that long distance coupled with the fact that going long distance for us means long term committment with marriage and a home and a family in the future- he does not want kids. If we were to stay together, he would be building a life with me and I want kids. So that is why. We have been together a few months over a year. He is 25, I turn 23 in March.
Why do people say There are other fish in the sea? or well obviously he was not the ONE. Or clearly he didn't love you, or any of this other BS? I hate this crap! They are trying to be helpful but all it does is hurt me. I cannot imagine at this point, less than a couple days after this was decided, dating someone else. Yes those things will probaby happen at some point, but right now, all I want to think about is how much I love him and will miss him and how much I want him, no matter what. Every excuse I could come up with to stay together. this is all I want to think about now. Not about going out and throwing myself at strangers. FOr what? I had an awesome, I HAVE an awesome relationship. I think he's making a mistake. I don't know if I want kids. It's what I have wanted in the past but recently I have been reevaluating how I feel about it. Not because of him. But because my nieces and nephews are growing up and my interest ( though not love) is waning.
If he were to stay, he said things would be different, that we would probably continue. If he truely does not want kids then it should make no difference, and if really bothers him, we should break up anyway. But that's not what he said.
I truely believe him to be scared to try a long distance relationship with me. He has tried it twice before and both times were absolutly miserable expereiences for him. His first girlfriend, of over 3 years, moved away and cheated. She said that her relationship with this other man had gone on so long that she actually felt like she was cheating more on HIM, rather than my bf. How about THAT for an awful expereince! They broke up.
The next time he went long distance with a woman, she broke up with him over his VM after he has been gone a week.
Not exactly positive experiences. But it wouldn't be like that for us. I love him. I would never hurt him, and I want to be with him. I think we should deal with the kid issue when we are actually at that point in our lives, 5-10 years from now. we both have careers to start, I actually will be in law school for the next 3 years, begining next fall. In fact, I am applying to two schools where he will be ( because they are goos schools) and 2 within driving distance. I am in no place to desire or start a family. It is a long way off, and I have no idea how I will feel about it then. We all change so much in our twenties. How can we possibly anticipate our feelings so far beyond today? Who knows what will happen between him and I between now and then, This may die it's own death naturally as we discover we are not right for each other, but truely, at this point, I cannot see that, nor do I feel that. We feel so right when we are together, and I want to do everything possible to perserve our relationship. I think this is a mistake, I think he is scared. I need him to have faith in me and himself. We need to let our relationship runs its course, and not allow circumstance to interfer- prematurely ending this. perhaps in 5 or 10 years when one or both of us are ready to make a marital committment we will both be on the same page, wanting kids, or not wanting kids. And if we are not, then we should prepare ourselves to say goodbye, or for one of us to sacrafice our own personal need or lack of want for the love we have for the other person. But I can't anticipate all of that right now. It is so far off! I am not ready to say goodbye to this! I love him and I love us. And I need to live our relationship until it can be proven to me that it is faulty. I'm not ready yet.
:(
Emily

Hi, Emily, I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. Of course you shouldn't be thinking about dating anyone else at this point...that will come in time.
I remember your posts about this man on another board so I know that there were issues but it still hurts when it ends.
I think my ex is wrong for ending our relationship, too...but that doesn't do me any good, and it won't do you any good. BOTH people in the relationship have to want to continue in order for that to happen. And that's especially true in a LDR.
You can try to convince your ex to continue, but that doesn't mean you'll succeed. And if you don't convince him, then you will need to move on...the other option is to stay stuck in pain and grief.
Keep us posted on how you're doing.
Sheri
Don't call him my ex. He is not an ex anything. he is my boyfriend. He or we or whatever decided that it would end when he moved. Which is Tuesday. Don't take him away earlier that need be.
:(
We had issues the first 6ish months of our relationship. After that, the last 8 months or so, have been wonderful. We see each other as often as I ever wanted to and have done lots of wonderful things together. we didn't have the money to go away for our anniversary in November, so we planned to camp. He suprised me at my door in a suit, and drove me to Reno, to a top floor suite with floor to ceiling glass windows on two sides, it was a corner suite. A huge hot tub in the room, and the view was just amazing. I didn't even have time to kiss him before he said we needed to hurry to our $150 steak dinners in the facy restaurant downstairs... it has been so wondeful. So romantic. Everythign has been like that. We connect so well. we have learned to disagree even. We had to learn how. And even then, we don't disagree very often, and it never matters. He has given me everthing I have wanted, I couldn't even ask for more than this. Oh my god I love him so much my heart hurts. I could bear his leaving if we were together. I might be able to bear breaking up if he were to stay. But not both. I feel like I am loosing my best friend. Like something is dying.
NONE and I mean NONE of the issues I discussed perviously are current issues. Everything sort of worked itsself out.
Him taking me to Reno, when he took me in the room he was staring at my face, to see my reaction, he didn't even look at the view himself. All he saw was me. When we were talking on Thursday (THE night...) I told him I just couldn't stop crying because everytime I did I would picture the look on his face when he showed me the room. he was so excited to make me happy. And he started to sob on me. This grown, man's man, burst ino tears and SOBBED on me. He held me so tight. Oh my god it, I don't know what it was. Not awful. Connected. it was connected. He told me cared about me so much. He didn't know what to do, that this seemed like the best answer but he wasn't sure. We both cried alot after that.
I'm sorry, I must have read your post wrong about the timing of the break up...I didn't mean anything by it.
I'm glad to hear you overcame the issues the two of you had...that must make his wanting to break up even sadder and more frustrating. I hope he changes his mind, but if not, I hope you will eventually find peace about his decision. It does sound like he cares about you very much...who knows why some people do what they do.
Sheri