I think I am my own worst enemy!
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I think I am my own worst enemy!
| Wed, 01-25-2006 - 11:16am |
When my long-distance relationship ended in November after he broke-up with me for another girl, I was so shocked and didn’t know how I would recover. I then began my cycles of NC. First, after the first week, he sent me an e-mail saying that he didn’t feel anything for this girl – it was only a passing feeling. I did NC again for a while and then I decided to talk with him 2 weeks ago. He admitted that he made a mistake and that he “freaked” out about the possibility of me moving to where he is (the plan was for this april) and that he really thinks we should work on seeing each other. I told him I agree but we should talk more first. He says these things and yet only calls me once a week (we used to talk every day!) – which I don’t feel is enough to make anything fixable. I also feel like he should be making much more of an effort (makes me feel like I did something wrong – not him). I know I should do NC and end it. I just feel like such a wreck. I feel so weak...

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lily1600....
A word of caution from Pianoguy:
IF A MAN CAN EASILY LEAVE YOU ONCE, HE CAN REPEAT THE PROCESS INDEFINITELY! .
Now if you're willing to "hope for the best and expect the worst"---....then you don't have a problem!
However...I know very few women who are willing to take this sort of nonsense (from a husband, b/f, or S.O.) again and again and again........
Pianoguy
In my opinion, you know what you should do. You need to force yourself to listen your head and not your heart. I stayed in my relationship too long, expecting things to change, but they did not. If he's not making the effort now, what makes you think that he will in the future? Now is the time he should be fighting the hardest to win you back.
I say this out of experience. I fought with my bf for the last 2 months we were together. Everytime I was ready to walk away, he would tell me he loved me and just wanted to make me happy. He'd be good to me for about a day, and then go back to his usual ways. He would also try to turn things around on me. For instance, if he told me he would call, but didn't, I would get upset. He would say the phone works both ways, and turn it around on me.
Don't let these guys get to us! We're better than that. We can find men who will treat us respectfully. I say, cut your losses now. Don't change your entire life for someone who can't even call you everyday.
No Contact, no email, no phone, no IM, no text messages, no mid of night visits, no info from friends, no checking him out online like his myspace friends list, no hacking into his email, etc
Don't worry we all were new here once...happy reading
Unfortunately, I don't know of a list of abbreviations either, though I agree, they would be helpful! There are still some that I am not sure of...
Anyway, since I don't know of a list and I'm not really abbreviation-savvy enough to make one myself, just ask whenever you have a question. We're all here to help anyway, so it's no problem!
-Nikki
co-cl of Breaking Up is Hard to Do!
How are things for you now? I was wondering because I'm going thru a breakup with my LDR as well...(although he's been missing since Friday and I can't actually break up with him!)
Was curious about your outcome.
Hi Shadow,
Not too well. We started talking again and he admitted that everything that happened was because he freaked out about me moving to be with him. Then he kept telling me how he much he wants to see me again. He invited me to come and stay with him for a week…I thought about it and I asked him (very nicely) that he should consider buying me a plane ticket (I had a ticket to see him for x-mas but that's when he freaked out and cheated). Told him that it would mean a lot to me -- that I would trust he was serious. He said he would think about it. He then proceeded to AVOID me for days and eventually sent me an e-mail saying that he sees “no reason” to buy me a ticket(?!). Yuck... so here I am. trying to get over it… very slowly… ;-)
How are you doing?
ugh! I feel bad for you... I don't understand these guys. He invites you to see him, but then won't offer to pay? Ridiculous. I like your approach though- asking him to pay so it shows his seriousness.
My deal... I have been trying to do the breakup all this week, but getting him for a minute's time is like pulling teeth. I've had to call him at work 2x just to actually talk to him. He had to go into a meeting the last time we talked, so I told him I wanted to finish our conversation later that night from home. He said he would, I asked him to promise, he promised. He sent a text later saying he was still at work (past midnight my time), can we talk the following night (would've been last night). I told him yes, but if he didn't call, it's over. He worked later again last night "we just got domino's pizza" and I couldn't talk to him again.
I sent him basically a one-last-chance-goodbye email today telling him he could at least spare a minute's time to say our goodbyes over a phone call and that I loved him but couldn't take this disrepect.
No response. As predicted.
So it's been a really rough week, and I'm sure this is only the beginning.
Hang in there and keep me posted.
I know! He also had the nerve to say in the same e-mail (on top of seeing "no reason" to pay for my ticket) that he understood that what he did in november was a "little rude." RUDE?! It's not like he cut in line in the supermarket --- he BROKE my heart! So, now I need to deal with letting it go without answers or okay feelings about it.
Which brings me to your situation, shadow. I know exactly how you feel. You just want to TALK to him -- you feel anxious and you want to be the mature person. I believe that no one is ever (in my opinion) too busy to call their significant other - even for a few moments. Excuses, excuses. I know it's hard, but closure will probably have to come from within you -- as he appears incapable to deal with anything. Why are boys so childish and selfish?
I haven't had contact with my idiot in two weeks...and I would recommend that you should do the same. What's the point, right?
Yes, I will definitely keep you posted -- and please keep me posted as well. :-)
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