I think I am very confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2007
I think I am very confused.
1
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 11:37pm

I was hoping someone would have some input on this..


I have been living with my fiance for almost 5 years. We have always had a great relationship, we have great communication skills. The problem is that I have been unemployed since June of this year. He makes enough money that we have not struggled in this time, but we have begun to argue about it constantly. His job is very stressful, and he takes alot of his frustration out on me. He has become very controlling; he has me entirely under his thumb, and I have no power left in our relationship anymore. I spend alot of my time just trying to make him happy.


About a month ago, he told me he was getting his own apartment. He told me that he wasn't leaving me, and he still wanted to marry me. I didn't make too much of a fuss about it, because I thought he was just saying it because of a bad mood he was in. Last week he and I were talking, and he brought it up again. I had forgotten it, he had been planning it and thought that I had as well. We argued for a while, and I told him that I wanted to end our relationship. I told him that when he leaves, I want nothing to do with him anymore. He would not drop the argument until I agreed that I would still see him after he moves. The problem is that I meant what I had said. I do not feel love for him anymore. I feel intense anxiety when he is home, and I feel awkward around him all of the time. He doesn't understand how embarassing this is. I need to explain to all of our friends and family why he is moving out.


I started a new job this week, and I was really hoping that it would change our situation in some way. He is still moving though. I think that it is very unfair that he gets to live in a "bachelor pad", while I have to move in with my parents (he is insistent that I do) until he deems me good enough to move back in with him. Until then, I am the one who has to deal with all of the heartache, while he gets the freedom AND the girl.


Worst of all, I feel very uneasy about how quick he wants to be free. I know we are not married yet, but I still feel like he is abandoning an important commitment. And he abandoned it so quick and easy, I wonder how it would be when we ARE married. I am just not feeling like this relationship is worth it. Any advice?


Also, until he leaves, how am I supposed to feel comfortable around him? He still wants me to play housewife, but I really don't care anymore. I want to love him again so badly, but I feel so hurt. Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 3:20pm

Welcome to the board oldenewengland,


::He has become very controlling; he has me entirely under his thumb, and I have no power left in our relationship anymore. I spend alot of my time just trying to make him happy.


This is not a balanced relationship.