I think it's over

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
I think it's over
6
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 8:26pm

I have been seeing someone for 2.5 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Wed, 10-24-2007 - 11:40pm

Hi There,


Without knowing more what I gather from your post is that he isn't a committment phobe but this is just him. He probably doesn't want a serious relationship for one reason or another. Committment phobes are prone to courting so fast and quickly and making you think they wanta

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 12:17am

i am really sorry about your situation. i had a similar one, but i suppose he was kind enough to break up with me instead of wasting my time. i too am 35. we went out for six months, but it was like we would see eachother every wed night and saturday night. sometimes i would get a friday night, or a sunday afternoon or night. but if i asked for more time, i felt like i was imposing. he just could not manage more than that in his life i think. made him feel like his life was unmanageable. and when we argued, which was really not that much, it was about his schedule and how he could not part ways with it, give me more time. he would tell me it was good to be independant and have different interests, so if i loved going to my football games, he did not have to come with me to all of them, he could do his own thing and i could do mine. like you, i did not push, i gave as much space as i could, tried not to pressure him, let him go at his own pace. but i think he felt guilty that he could not give more of himself, said i should have someone who will go to football games with me and do this and that with me. difference though from you is he talked about a future, made me think we had one. but then decided that he must not be in love with me, or else he would give me more of his time, more of himself. personally, i have other theories, because he was a recovered drug addict and used his routine and schedule as a crutch imo. did your boyfriend have any sort of thing like that in his past, any issues, that made him feel he could only handle so much of a relationship?


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 12:49am

I'd argue that every relationship has their own dynamic. My parents spent very little time together other than weekends (somewhat briefly) the entire time they were married and that worked for them.

However, it's CLEARLY not working for you. You've laid out what YOU need in a relationship and he hasn't responded. As much as it hurts, I think he's telling you that he's either unwilling or unable to become what you need, and I think perhaps it really is time to walk away.

All the Best

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 2:53pm

Well, I tell you what, my parents only saw each other on Saturdays and/or Sundays for about a year and a half, maybe more, before they got married 41 years ago.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 4:39pm
Sandra, the unsettling part to me, in her description, is that she had to push after 2 years to even get him on the phone more often, and that he never talked about a future. my ex who i saw only a couple times a week, i still talked to him several times a day, he called me, i never had to ask, and he talked about a future after 4 months. obviously, none of it came to fruition, but her bf here, after 2 1/2 years, has not even talked about a future together. that along with having to ask for more phone contact and his only seeing her 2
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 10-25-2007 - 5:07pm

I hear your concern, ibiscool, but one of the biggest dangers on the boards is comparing.

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