I told him I wanted a divorce...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2013
I told him I wanted a divorce...
2
Sun, 03-16-2014 - 7:46pm

After SO much thought, effort and therapy put towards making the decision, I finally was able to make the move and tell him.  The act itself was so very daunting to me- I thought I'd never have the strength to do it.  We have been married for 4 and a half years and throughout that time, I have posted messages on this board about our rocky times.  It's always been a struggle since day 1.  Lots of basic and "common" issues ( like communication and sex) to others like your typical squabbles.  We have been so back and forth about it (and even had a year separation) that my H is really having a hard time believing and accepting it.  Each time we talk, he tries to convince me otherwise...that we can work it out...that we can get help.  All of which I say, we alrady have. We've tried 2 therapists and did learn a good amount of stuff from the 2nd one.  Things have improved and we were doing better.  When it came time to talk about moving ahead, like buying a house, I still found myself dragging my feet.  Knowing how this is all so unfair to him, I finally decided this is what I needed to do.

I know having the doubts now is common and to be expected, I just hate them.  I'm left feeling like I'm making a mistake and feeling so sad that I am losing my best friend.  But that's just it...the best friend thing but not a heck of a lot of sexual chemistry.  I've made him feel disgusting...so unwanted.  Again- so unfair to him.  I know this is the right decision, especially bc I honestly feel very "calm" inside and at peace, but it's still so very painful Cry

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 03-16-2014 - 11:38pm

No one ever said divorce is easy!  There usually is one person who doesn't want it, and will beg and make promises.....and be hurt when the answer is no.  But, it HAS to be no.   He WILL get over it.  My ex (serial cheater and alcoholic) threatened suicide!  I didn't believe him.......and of course he didn't......he got remarried in a month, to his latest squeeze, who also divorced him.  When he said "suicide" to me, as I said, I didn't believe him, but at the same time, you never know what people under stress will do.  But I also knew that if he was THAT weak, then he had a problem (which he had many) and it was on him, not me.  There is no reason to stay in a marriage if you're not happy, and you know things will not change.  He will get over it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2011
Thu, 03-20-2014 - 5:38pm
thank god you have the strength......... everyone can learn from it...