I took the first step!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2006
I took the first step!
4
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 10:57pm
My life started over today. My boyfriend moved out. I am uncertain about what is ahead of me now but I know this is the best thing for me. I'm 46 (yes, there is life in your 40s), educated, professional, smart, loving and attractive. My ex-guy is 49 and at first sight a very socialable, friendly, fun to be with person who just happens to be an alcoholic. Even at my age it took me a while to figure out what was going on - why was everything great one day and totally out of control the next? Anyway ... long story short, when I finally figured out what was going on I thought "how can I help this guy". The answer is - not unless he wants it, which he didn't. Although this all seems black and white to an outsider my heart was still wrapped up in him and it took me quite some time to actually show him the door. There was always one reason or another for him not to go and it was running and ruining my life. Friends and co-workers noticed a big change in me becoming withdrawn in my own life and being consumed by his. I became and ENABLER! Luckily, those same friends and family and some research on the internet showed me the way. He was ruining my life and since he wouldn't get help and face his own demons, I told him he HAD TO GO. I have turned this person's life over to God and wish him all the best. And yes, it still hurts even though I know this is the best thing. I'm going to make my list of how to get my life back now. Best wishes to all of you other broken hearts out there. Keep your chin up!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 11:09pm
My best friend is an alcoholic, and I know how hard it is to cut ties. It is the best thing, because as a healthy person, it can be very hard to turn your back on someone who needs help. I have only recently stopped communicating with my friend, b/c I just can't listen and support someone who constantly makes bad decisions (she just went back to her abusive/alchoholic/codependent boyfriend). I have offered my support when she says that she is going to stop seeing him, but then she goes back to him and always relapses. It is too painful, b/c she is a smart, attractive girl, but were it not for the support of her mother, she would be a panhandler on the streets. I hope you are able to stay strong, because, you are right, you can not help him! We can only hope and pray that they will find the strength in themselves.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2006
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 11:42pm
Good job, taking the first step! My dad is an alcoholic and not only did it break up my mom's and his marriage, but also his 2nd marriage as well. After his second wife left him he tried to change, but it didn't work because he didn't actually WANT to change, he just wanted her back. Now he is dating another woman and I'm just waiting for her to see the light. It's not that he's a bad person, he is very sweet, but putting up with him when he's had too much to drink is just too much of a chore. It's gotten so I only want to see him before 3pm, after that he'll just be tipsy. Anyway, good job in getting out of that relationship! It's sad seeing the people you love hurt themselves! Broken hearts suck, but the good news is that they heal and can love again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 11-19-2006 - 8:27am

Fabulous!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2006
Sun, 11-19-2006 - 8:47pm

Thanks for your words of support. I know this is the best thing for me. Its been 24 hours now - yes, I'm counting the hours. I've been trying to keep myself busy with rearranging the house, talking to family and friends, etc. It helps but I still feel this huge loss. I find myself thinking he'll be walking in the door any minute like he was just out to the store or something. Grief is real and it hurts.

Zookeeper