I took the first step!
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I took the first step!
| Sat, 11-18-2006 - 10:57pm |
My life started over today. My boyfriend moved out. I am uncertain about what is ahead of me now but I know this is the best thing for me. I'm 46 (yes, there is life in your 40s), educated, professional, smart, loving and attractive. My ex-guy is 49 and at first sight a very socialable, friendly, fun to be with person who just happens to be an alcoholic. Even at my age it took me a while to figure out what was going on - why was everything great one day and totally out of control the next? Anyway ... long story short, when I finally figured out what was going on I thought "how can I help this guy". The answer is - not unless he wants it, which he didn't. Although this all seems black and white to an outsider my heart was still wrapped up in him and it took me quite some time to actually show him the door. There was always one reason or another for him not to go and it was running and ruining my life. Friends and co-workers noticed a big change in me becoming withdrawn in my own life and being consumed by his. I became and ENABLER! Luckily, those same friends and family and some research on the internet showed me the way. He was ruining my life and since he wouldn't get help and face his own demons, I told him he HAD TO GO. I have turned this person's life over to God and wish him all the best. And yes, it still hurts even though I know this is the best thing. I'm going to make my list of how to get my life back now. Best wishes to all of you other broken hearts out there. Keep your chin up!

Fabulous!
Thanks for your words of support. I know this is the best thing for me. Its been 24 hours now - yes, I'm counting the hours. I've been trying to keep myself busy with rearranging the house, talking to family and friends, etc. It helps but I still feel this huge loss. I find myself thinking he'll be walking in the door any minute like he was just out to the store or something. Grief is real and it hurts.
Zookeeper