I violated every Breakup Rule
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I violated every Breakup Rule
| Sat, 11-03-2007 - 7:41pm |
I am 22 years old and my boyfriend of four and half years broke up with me a month and half ago. Since then I've violated every break up rule imaginable. We tried being friends even though I still was in love with him. I called him and sent him emails. We went out a couple of times and I drank way too much and ended up crying in front of him. We slept together. I went into a deep depression that I am still not out of and that I had to go

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I can empathize.
Welcome to the board evolvedwoman,
Weekends are kind of slow on the board, but hopefully come Monday you will have a few more replies.
I think all of us break a few rules some of the time.
Short answer is yes, just take a look at the board, and many older and wiser women have all fallen into the psycho ex girlfriend pithole and managed to come out the other end.
In any case, don't be too hard on yourself. I can tell you I handled my break up, in retrospect, rather badly too (and we're the same age, so I sympathize even more). The long and short of it is that it's not too late to redeem anything. Best thing I ever did was call him up one day, told him I'd pick up my stuff come September, and quit him cold turkey, because I couldn't do the post break up crazy act any more. Plus, friends are a forgiving bunch. So tidy yourself up, stop contacting him (or letting him contact you), call up your friends and let them know that you aren't better, but you're ready to soldier ahead with getting over him. And you'll be surprised at who responds.
Remember, you are the master of your emotions, they aren't the master of you.
all the best
Hey, i just want to say that i have done exactly the same. i felt like i was reading about my own life then, im 22 and split with my boyfriend of 3 years last month. i have done and still am doin all those things. he wants 2 b friends which involves speakin every day etc. i dunno wot to do coz i think i want 2 talk 2 him because i love him and mite get him back, but then he has had no time to miss me. he says we may get back in future which is why im hangin on like a loser really. he has booked a holiday with his friends tho and has said he doesnt mind if i move on so i cnt see him bein in love with me still?
Welcome to the board emjaims,
Please consider posting your story separately so more people can see it and have the opportunity to reply to it.
Everything you feel is normal.
::i dunno wot to do coz i think i want 2 talk 2 him because i love him and mite get him back, but then he has had no time to miss me. he says we may get back in future which is why im hangin on like a loser really. he has booked a holiday with his friends tho and has said he doesnt mind if i move on so i cnt see him bein in love with me still?
Personally, MIGHT is a very strong False Hope word in my book. He's already planning a holiday and doesn't mind if you move on???
Dear Evolved-
I dated someone for over 7 years, we had the wedding planned, he had the ring, we were going to reset it, etc. We broke up. At the time I was 27....I did everything incorrect & more. I just got called into the hospital, and have to go in...but I will write more later. Also...you can count on me if you want to.
Look at it this way, you've already gotten down to what you see as 'nothing', how much worse can it be if you stop breaking every rule in the book. At some point, he's going to cut off contact himself and you'll be in the same position, albeit losing a few more months of your life.
Do I sympathize with the his friends are your friends? yes. I moved to a city half way across the country for school, so my friends here are limited, especially after graduation. I spent a lot of time with my ex's social circle just because they were available and when we broke up, for a month or so, my social activities sort of dried up. It was an incredibly lonely few months. But on the other hand, now 2 months from that, I'm much more accomplished in all areas than I'd be if I'd stayed together with him. But I can tell you it's not going to happen if you spend the next 4 months moping around after him.
Like it's been said before, you can't control the fact that you broke up, but you can control how you act afterwards. We all do things we regret after break ups - it's only human. But when you go stop for a sec and realize that this isn't who you are - you're not this beaten pathetic dog licking at the scraps of a broken relationship, that's when you're responsible for picking yourself up and moving on like the accomplished graceful woman you know you are. And every day you refuse to contact him or beg him back, it's re-affirmation to your greatness.
all the best
Simply put, now you know what doesn't work.
No one hands you a "breakup handbook" the first time around, so everyone makes some kind of mistake or another. Trick is to not keep doing what you know hurts you. Maya Angelou says, "Now you know better, so you do better."
What to do now is like what we tell anyone who's done this becuase you're definitely not the first and you won't be the last to sleep with her ex: Pick yourself up, dust off, get going again knowing better. The person you actually need to redeem yourself to is you, so stop beating yourself up, realize everyone makes mistakes, and move on. Don't dwell, that's no help.
Good luck to you and keep posting :-)
When I read your post I smiled a little not because it was funny at all.
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