I want to break up, but why am I so sad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
I want to break up, but why am I so sad?
4
Wed, 12-15-2004 - 2:56am
My boyfriend of 7 months and I just had the what does our future together look like talk. We both have two totally different things in mind. He plans to move to China and I want to stay in the US. We're already in a long distance relationship and it sucks. He doesn't want to even think about getting married or starting a family for another 5 years, and I don't want to wait that long. I'm still young and in college and I want to have a relationship where I can have someone to just hang out with whenever I want, and with him 2000 miles away I can't really do that. So I've pretty much come to the conclusion that we should break up, because we both have two different paths we're trying to follow. But if this is supposed to end the unhappiness I feel when I'm in this relationship, why do I feel so terrible. I can't stop crying, and I really don't want him to be completely gone from my life. I met him at a period in my life that is very important to me, and I want to always have good feelings about it. I want to end it, but at the same time I don't. I'm so confused and distressed. Please help me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 12-15-2004 - 10:52am
You're sad because just because you know that breaking up is what's best for you, that doesn't make it any easier to end a relatively good relationship and start over. You could try the old "Lets just be friends" route, and it might actually work. You could tell your BF that while you really do like him and don't want to remove him from your life all together, this is not what you want out of a romantic relationship. Surly the distance has got to bother him also, and he knows that you both want two seperate things out of your future. This might be a person that is best left in the friends catagory.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2004
Wed, 12-15-2004 - 5:11pm
I don't know if I can help because this was an aspect of my breakup with my boyfriend last week but I sure can empathise (sp?) . I felt like I couldn't keep dating him because he was being to distant but the future talk also had something to do with it. He doesn't want to have kids or get married and I do (which probably accounts for him being distant). If you are already in an long distance thing I would suggest you do break it off before you get too into him, I went over 2 years knowing deep down it would never work because of this and while I don't regret a thing we shared, it is sure making this breakup a lot harder to handle. Good luck in all this. Take care of yourself. Diana
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Wed, 12-15-2004 - 9:48pm
I know it's hard but if you want such different things I think ending things now will save you heartache later on. There is no reason you have to kick him out of your life though. I would take some time of no contact with him (after you breakup of course) and then after you are both over each other, you can try a friendship, if you still want one. Good luck and keep us posted!!











Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Thu, 12-16-2004 - 6:35pm

I know your dilema all to well. My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 6 months. We also are 2000 miles apart. We are able to see each other about every 6 weeks. I usually visit him in NY and he has only traveled to TX once. I want to break up because I want more attention! I hate just waiting on time to pass until we can see each other again. This is just getting really old. I live my life by the telephone. Communication becomes very difficult and every word is analyzed trying to guess what the other is feeling. It sucks to not be able to see his expressions while we are talking.

It just seems like this can not last forever because I think that eventually more time will pass between the times when we see each other and we will just give up. So I am thinking that why pronlong this? Let's just break up and move on. It does hurt to think of him not being in my life but it also hurts loving someone 2000 miles away!

Sometimes little things really hurt my feelings. Like yesterday, I had two Dr. appointments and he knew about them and never even asked me what happened. I feel like I have to tell him, "Hey I am really moody today, please give me some extra attention." I'm thinking that maybe he will get the hint and send a few extra text messages, or leave sweet voice mails, or even emails ~ but no, he does nothing more than usual. Maybe he is just a selfish person and only thinks about himself. All these thinge make me want to break up and save my self more hurt. Maybe I am just too sensitive? Who know! Good luck with your situation. Try not to be sad, go out with friends and get your mind on having fun!