i want closure....sort of. HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2004
i want closure....sort of. HELP!
3
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 4:06pm
i think i want it, but im afraid if i get it, i will be more hurt than i am already. i did a dumb thing this morning, and called him. i was expecting him to be at church, so i would just get his answering machine.. but he picked up. i didn't know what to do... so i just went on like normal and "tried" to talk to him. he was very distant and when he asked why i called and i replied "i just wanted to talk to you" he said "i can't be doing this!" so then i said "i'll let you go then..." and he just sat there for a second.. so STUPID me asked "do you really not see us ever getting back together?" and he said someting to the effect of "i don't want to be having this conversation..." then he said "im angry, tired, and its early!" so i said "alright, i'll let you go" and said goodbye and hung up. why do i get myself in these messes????



so at this point, i am so upset and trying to talk to my mom about it. she suggested e-mailing him and telling him how hard it is for me to go on like this, having the hope of him maybe wanting to be together again... and to just ask if he never sees that. i want to do that, i even have the e-mail all written, but im afraid that once i do that, and once he says "yes, its over for good" there is no going back... right now i don't know, and the fact that he hasn't come out directly and said it means that he can't think "well, i already told her that i can't be with her again.. so i won't call her/ask her back/etc" does this make sense to anyone?? or am i just crazy for thinking this way? what should i do!? help!

i am so upset right now, i haven't stoped crying for about 2 hours. i hurt. how can this happen? how can he just not love me anymore??? i just don't understand. i feel like i am spinning in circles, i am just so confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 5:46pm
well I would also be annoyed if i was awaken by ANY call in early morning.

And maybe he fells still something but not enough to think he will want to bewith u , that is

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 6:01pm
Hi,

I can really say that I really know how you're feeling at the moment. I broke up with my boyfriend 10 weeks ago, it was very sudden and he just changed. When he told me he didn't love me anymore, it was like ripping my world up in front of me. I doubt everything now and I'm beginning to not take the simplest things for granted. All I can say to you is that maybe closure is good. I didn't speak to him for about two months and then sat down with him and had a rational talk about what had happened. Maybe do that when it's not as raw.

Please don't hang onto the hope that you'll back together, it'll only delay the process of you getting better. My boyfriend said that if his feelings ever changed, he'd let me know and when he said that I had it in my head that I'd wait to see. That just wouldn't be a good idea though. If you do get back together, then think of it as a nice surprise or something but don't rely on the idea.

I hope you pull through this, I really sympathise and know how you're feeling. Let everything out, don't bottle anything up.

I really hope you feel better soon,

xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 6:21pm
I know you're hurting....and yes calling him wasn't the smartest idea but I think we've all done it at some point and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it too bad...just learn from your mistakes. Rembember what happened and how it made you feel and any time you think of calling him go back and remember this conversation.

I personally would not e-mail him....he's made it clear by his actions (not his words) that he isn't interested in being an item and he just wants to move on. I think if you continue to contact him....it's only going to push him away further. I know this is hard but I think you just need to move on.....give yourself time to heal and don 't put your life on hold for the possibility of he might change his mind later....it's not worth it...you deserve to be happy and waiting around for him isn't going to bring you happiness.

Good luck and keep us posted and remember we're here whenever you need to talk.










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