I want to contact him so bad - Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
I want to contact him so bad - Help!
4
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 8:19am

History - After 18 months, 2 breakups and alot of heartache, I told him I couldn't continue to see him because he is starting to date someone else. He called me on Sunday to wish me a nice vacation (which I am headed to shortly) and of course I had to pry just to find out he spent Thanksgiving with his new girlfriend. I'm devastated because he told me he could not commit to me yet he spends the holiday with someone he has only known for 2 weeks? I was very cold to him on the phone and then emailed him that it was too hard to talk to him, that it hurt too much to know he is spending all this time with the new girl. He replied back to me and said he was not in a committed relationship with her and that he still wanted to see me. Despite that statement, he did not respond to my last email and it is killing me to not contact him right now. Why would he say he still wants to see me and then not contact me? I'm going to be out of the country for the next week so I will have no way to contact him which I know is good but right now I want to email him for no good reason except so he has to think of me when he sees the email. I am SO tired of crying, not eating and not sleeping. I've tried reading the books - I practically sleep with "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken" but I can't seem to control myself.

PLEASE remind me that I should not contact him. It's killing me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 11:10am
you must stay strong and do not contact him until you are fully healed. it is so difficult but i promise you that it will get easier with each passing day. i have gone almost 60 days with no contact and my ex is contacting me now almost daily and it is killing me. it's so much harder when they contact you. but you must remember that you are not capable of a friendship or any other relationship with him right now. think of how much it hurt you to hear about him and this other girl. every time i get the urge to contact or to check in and see how my ex is doing, i remind myself how much it hurts every time to find out. the only way you can move on is alone, with the help of your friends and family around you. when you want to call him, call a friend instead, or come to this board and write down your feelings like you have been. sending him a message or email so he thinks about you will only make it worse if he is not ready or does not want to deal with things, it will only push him away further. you will get better, and like i said with each passing day it will get easier, as long as you keep up no contact until you are ready...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 11:54am

Dear broken3times,

I assume you were in a committed relationship, and he just decided he wants to date someone else and you?!? You are right. You want something different than what he is willing to offer you. Not knowing your entire situation, it seems terribly unfair of him to say that he still wants to see you and this other girl. You are right to not contact him. I know it is so hard, but the good news is that you are going away. Maybe you can convince yourself to make it until your plane leaves. I know you said you want to force him to think about you, but he probably already is, and yet he is still making the choice he is making.

When you are on your trip, I hope that you are able to see how wonderful the world is, how there is beauty in every corner, and that you are really able to enjoy it. The vastness of the world should help you detach yourself from your ex. I really think it will be the best thing for you to be away.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 3:36pm

Another book to consider:

Don’t Call that Man – The Survival Guide to Letting Go – Rhonda Finding

Most people don't say what they mean and mean what they say. He may have said what he said so you wouldn't be upset with him. So you wouldn't feel so bad about him as a person. But when it comes to putting his money where is mouth is, he can't do it. Don't try to figure it out. Do what's in your best interest.

Make a list of all the 'bad' things, keep it close and reveiw it when you feel like contacting him. And remember this, some part of him is moving on or he wouldn't be dating. He said he wants to 'see' you but he's still not willing to commit. But he's committed to not sleeping alone. Think about that.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 4:00pm
Just remember: Distance makes the heart grow fonder. It seems like he is confused, but I would definetly not have any contact with him. Make him wonder, make him miss you and wonder about your trip. He'll contact you when you come back, but DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT Contact him. He'll find a reason to contact you.

Me 31, DH27, married may2008 went off b/c at that time, no af, PCOS since 17.  MTHFR factor.  HSG clear, 1st round of clomid 100mg, 1000 mg Metforim late July 09,  Waiting to see if O'd.