I want him back

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
I want him back
7
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 7:04pm

My boyfriend of 4 months (almost) broke up with me earlier this, and although this doesn't seem like a long time, I'm completely devestated. I screwed up - I was paranoid, stressed out and treated him badly, but only realised it when it was too late. He's told me he's not sleeping and that it was teh hardest thing he's had to do, and as we work together we see eachother everyday and it's so hard. I just want him back because I know we are worth more than some stupid mistake I made.

He is obviously upset about this and so am I, I've told him that I want him back and would do anything, btu he's said it's too much, and he's had enough.

Tell me what to do, I feel awful and I just want to make this right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 9:49pm
Honey, please take it from someone whos been though it, im going through an on off thing and now that its actually off.... i dont know what to do with myself. i went out with him for two years... its just not worht all this pain and it just gets worse with time if you went back out with him...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 10:27pm

"Sometimes to keep it together, you have to leave it alone." The Eagles.

I think you should let the dust settle. It sounds like he cares about you a lot if he's losing sleep. You told him you want him back so he knows you care. I say leave it at that. Don't talk to him. Don't call him. Leave him alone. Let him miss you. Don't look all torn apart when you see him at work. No one is attracted to a girl who's crying and looks like a mess. I'm not saying you have to look like you're having a blast. Just don't look sad. He can only regret leaving you if he has time to miss you and all the wonderful things you are made of. Be cordial, be cool, but be less available to him. If he thinks he can walk in and out of your life at any time he may take you for granted. Give him time and give yourself time. After you've both cleared your head, if you're ready to talk and so is he then you guys can talk about it. I know it's hard. Believe me I know. I got so bad after my breakup I slipped into severe depression and went on FMLA medical leave from work. I know it's hard. But you have to love yourself. He's looking out for himself and his best interests. You should do the same. You have to take care of yourself because no one is going to do it for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 4:02pm
I think that I'm going to send him a letter, give it to him at work and tell him to open it at home. Telling him that I'm sorry, that this is something we can work on and that we shouldn't throw this away because it was special. Also that if he doesn't want to talk this through then I don't want any contact because it's just too hard. I'm just not sure whether to say this in person or give him the letter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 7:17pm
I say write a letter and vent and say everything in your mind and your hear but DON'T SEND IT! I did this and I felt tons better. I read it over and over. It does help. I really think you should let him be. If he does want to work on it he'll contact you. If he just wants to say hi, then when he contacts you, you can tell him how you feel then. Tell him you really wanted to work things out but if he doesn't you completely understand but you would appreciate if he understood that you would like to move past this and because of that you would prefer to not have any contact with him. But wait until he contacts you! He will contact you. Just be patient. <<>>
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 7:42pm

I'm sorry for what you're going thru. I think most of the posts are probably correct, let the dust settle. But i was on the opposite side of you-= my b/f made the stupid mistake of a one night stand and I broke it off. I had ZERO intention of ever taking him back.

He persisted in calling me daily- actually several times/day, visiting me (we are in an LDR in college) and basically never giving up on trying to show me how sorry he was. We had been together for 2.5 years and were very close before this all happened. Some days i cringed when the phone rang, he stressed me out and I didnt' want to be bothered. I was not nice many times and for many months, but he kept telling me he deserved the treatment and would wait for me as long as it took. Although i said i didn't want the contact, somehow I never told him to stop or not to visit? I sometimes felt I was just stringing him along but he would not give up......

I wouldn't say you should hound him, and maybe you should not contact him at all as the others posts say. But after 5 months of my b/f's persistance, I am coming around. We are trying to work things out and things are so much better than they were. If he had not been as persistent as he was, I can tell you that we would have nothign right now.

Follow your heart and your gut with his reactions to you. Let the dust settle and then maybe contact him and see what type of reaction you get and go from there. Prepare to be very patient though. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 3:04am
Thank you lovergrl18! I'm not going to bother him. This was his choice (to end it.) He's done this twice before. I always take him back. Even though he suffers for a while because I won't give in, eventually I do give in. I'm tired of him walking all over me. He thinks he come drop me and come back whenever he wants. I just wish I wasn't so sad and I didn't miss him so much. I wish I knew he felt the same way. I'd feel a little better. How wierd is that. I guess misery does love company. Good luck to you too and thank you for your support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 5:01pm

I understand a little more now= i had not realized you had broken up before. In my case, we had never broken up, or even come close to it. So his persistance is the reason we are back together...but in your case, I absolutely support you in not contacting him. If you have come back to him before, he thinks he can get you at a drop of a hat.

I think this is YOUR time to be alone and test out the single life for a while. If he contacts you, don't take him back until you are 100% sure you want to and its going to work. Maybe its time for him to sweat a little while you decide what you want. ANd time for you to enjoy yourself and see what else is out there....

Good luck and keep us posted!