I want to leave my boyfriend but how?
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I want to leave my boyfriend but how?
| Thu, 02-14-2008 - 2:59pm |
I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months. In those 10 months, we've moved in together, his 4 year old son moved in with us, and I have quit my job to take care of the son.
I am 20 years old and going to college part time.
I love my boyfriend and his son very much but I feel like I am stuck with them and I would like to leave to live my life and explore. I feel like I'm too young to be a stay at home mom especially when it is not my own child. I take care of my boyfriend's son way more than he does or the son's mom does. My boyfriend works 60 hours a week.
There are a few problems with me leaving though. Who would take care of my boyfriend's son? My boyfriend also doesn't have a car. I'm the only one with a car.
I also feel like it would be very selfish of me to leave but in a way, I need to. If I don't, I would always wonder what would have been. On the other side, if I did leave, I would feel extremely guilty for leaving them in the cold.
I am 20 years old and going to college part time.
I love my boyfriend and his son very much but I feel like I am stuck with them and I would like to leave to live my life and explore. I feel like I'm too young to be a stay at home mom especially when it is not my own child. I take care of my boyfriend's son way more than he does or the son's mom does. My boyfriend works 60 hours a week.
There are a few problems with me leaving though. Who would take care of my boyfriend's son? My boyfriend also doesn't have a car. I'm the only one with a car.
I also feel like it would be very selfish of me to leave but in a way, I need to. If I don't, I would always wonder what would have been. On the other side, if I did leave, I would feel extremely guilty for leaving them in the cold.

What you do is take care of YOU.
Hi Jess,
Welcome to the board jesskat182,
You are in a difficult situation.
The fact that he doesn't do enough to provide for himself or his child is not on you, that's the very first thing you need to drill into your mind over and over. That's all HIS responsibility, not yours. Why why was al your money going to his child's daycare? That makes zero sense to me, even if you were living together. Seems like you care more about the boy than anyone else, and that's bittersweet, but that doesn't mean it's your calling in life to take care of him. He has a full family for that, so don't beat yourself up for wanting out.
I got married at 20 to a man many years older than me who had children from his previous marriage who lived with us at various points throughout the marriage. Four kids, their mom was somewhat deadbeat. I had doubts, of course, but I thought I was in love and that it would all work out, blah blah blah. Oh how VERY wrong I was about all of that. I can tell you with certainty that if you feel these niggling doubts and hesitations now, you will most likely regret a decision to stay later on. It's not like I think about this much, I'm not upset about it, and I love the way my life is NOW, but I spent over ten years in a go-nowhere relationship/marriage and gave my youth to help raise someone else's kids. It's not the children part that is so regrettable, it's the youth part. You don't get that back. Ever.
Good luck, I'd get out now and not wait one more minute.