I want my ex back

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2008
I want my ex back
42
Thu, 06-12-2008 - 12:06pm

I've posted in another board but I think here's the place that I need.


This is what I posted:



So here's the story. We've dated for about 6 years and he broke up with me 2 months ago. He's 29, I'm 24 if that matters. He said that we were very different from each other and that he was not ready to live with me and marry me. It's not that there was any pressure from me. He said he wants to be alone and see how is life without being together. He said that sometimes during our relationship, he wasn't feeling good and wanted to run away but couldn't do it because he had hoped that everything

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Thu, 06-12-2008 - 1:02pm

I know you say you really want hope that he'll wake up and realize that he made a horrible choice and rush to you begging for you to take him back, but from what you say here, that seems optimistic to the point of foolishness.


Your boyfriend has just finished up a huge maturing period in human development. Along the line he seems to have noticed that he missed out on his carefree swinging single days because he was volunteering to be faithful to you. Now while he might not have been that kind of guy, and may still not be that kind of guy, the knowing that you missed it tugs at the back of your mind.


After six years, that's almost a decade! together he still has doubt. He still isn't ready to make a committment to you and vow tomorrow to you. As painful as that is, as hopes and dreams crushing as that is, better to face it than prolong the pain with what-if. It hurts, yes of course it hurts. It's a fresh gaping wound to the heart. If the gash was on your hand out where you see it, you

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 06-12-2008 - 2:53pm

Welcome to the board melissa_666,


I answered your post on the other board, just wanted to welcome you here.





angels

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2008
Fri, 06-13-2008 - 4:51am

I know that you're right, I should just move on with my life anf if he comes back- good, if he doesn't - well I guess

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 06-13-2008 - 2:09pm

Here's some resources to consider:


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=22130.1


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=23626.1


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::I really do believe that he loves me and will appreciate what he had one day. I just know him. I know it may sound really stupid and naive but that's what I feel.


How do you know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2008
Fri, 06-13-2008 - 3:26pm
Thank you very much for the feeback.
But actually this is not really true. I've always known this part of him. He was really honest with me the whole time. There were times when he felt the same way, the difference is only that this time he decided to make the huge step and break up with me. I know it sounds really stupid that I believe that he'll come back to me. It's just that I believe he's going to change when he loses me because he has never had any doubts that I'll be with him no matter what so in a way he didn't appreciate it.
Ok, maybe it's silly and maybe I'm just saying these things because I want them to be true. It's just that I'm having a really really hard time going through this. I miss him so much and hope is the one thing that makes me feel better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 06-13-2008 - 3:38pm

I understand about hope and feeling better.


I hope you can put the focus more on you and moving forward so you can feel good about yourself not matter what he does or doesn't do.





angels

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2008
Fri, 06-13-2008 - 5:07pm
I hope too...I know that the best thing for me is moving on with my life and trying to be happy about myself. Maybe in time I could do that. Only time heals I guess.
Anyway thank you very much for the support! I'll update if there's something new going on.
Have a nice day!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2008
Tue, 07-15-2008 - 1:38pm
Just an update on my situation. I still miss my ex a lot but I feel better I think. I'm even sort of dating. The guy is my best friend, we're now friends with benefits. I'm not ready for a relationship or something more with anyone new so this is what I need right now and I feel good when I'm with him.
I hadn't initiate any contact with my ex for a month, he did twice, messaging on msn. Then 2 weeks ago I messaged him on msn, he told me that last time we spoked on msn, he had the feeling I didn't want to talk with him which is not true, I mean I was friendly, the difference was that I did not ask him aything about us or gettin back together and etc., I guess that was weird for him. Then I told him that I miss him. And he said that he misses me too! He also said he was thinking about me all day. Then after a week a friend of his saw me with a new hair cut and I was looking really nice and different. And he messaged me again on msn as soon as his friend told him about me, it was a nice friendly talk and he said that he hasn't forgotten me which I didn't expected because I didn't ask him anything and I didn't say anything. I think he has a girlfriend now but I'm not 100 % sure. When we talk I'm acting like I'm moving on and feel fine. I think he doesn't know about my "relationship" but knows I'm going out and having fun.
Do you think that he may be reconsidering me? And am I doing the right thing? It has been 3 months since he broke up with me and he still misses me and thinks about me.
I'd appreciate any feedback, thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 07-15-2008 - 1:42pm
If he's not asking you out or to get back together, don't read anything into the conversations the two of you are having. You might want to have less (or none) of those conversations with him. JMO




angels

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2008
Tue, 07-15-2008 - 1:50pm
Thank you for your fast reply. I know that if he wants to get back together with me he'll do something more, I know that. I'm just wondering if maybe he's having second thoughts. What I know for sure is that he won't talk to me about getting together if he's not ABSOLUTELY sure he wants it.

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