I WANT TO TALK TO HIM...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
I WANT TO TALK TO HIM...
8
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 3:38pm
I know I keep posting things, but it's the only way to vent! My ex and I work together and we just broke up a few weeks ago. I found out he is seeing someone new and I just want to either go up to him or call him and ask him if he's going to continue seeing her. It's killing me! How could he move on so fast? It's eating away at me that he is seeing her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 3:47pm
My ex of five years (we lived together for 3 1/2) moved in his new girlfriend just shortly after we broke up (which was just in March). I was pretty devastated. It hurts, it really does. I made one remark to him through an email. I told him when he was done dating to please return the rest of my things. It got me a nasty response which made me even more angry. I'm not telling you NOT to do it because sometimes you feel you just have to. All I'm saying is think about it and be CALM when and if you do...or you might feel foolish. And that is a LOT worse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2006
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 3:52pm

I'm going to tell you NOT to do it...multiple times. Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. I just responded to one of your other posts...please read the part where I'm talking about the grieving process for men vs women. It's different, and it might help you to see that while you are feeling the brunt of the pain NOW, he won't really feel it until much later. But he WILL feel it. Like someone said before, you can't just forget about someone. He hasn't forgotten, he just isn't feeling the pain yet. But he will.

LEAVE HIM ALONE!! A man cannot truly know what he's lost until he's actually LOST it. So leave him alone, don't contact him, and show him how much life will suck without you!! He'll realize it eventually.

S

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 3:56pm
You are probably right S. Good post...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 4:18pm

Ok, say you call him and he says YES I'm going to continue to see her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2007
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 4:22pm

Do NOT talk to him about it. It doesn't matter. You are both free to do whatever you want now, and would you rather him see how much power he still has over you or think that you may have moved on already yourself?

It may in fact be that he checked out of your relationship a good deal before he mentioned it to you. Most people do because despite it being their choice it's a difficult and painful experience. If it helps, be angry that he lacked an ability to communicate what he was feeling.

I can't imagine having to work with an ex. I'm having a hard enough time maintain a casual friendship with my ex's bestfriend's girlfriend (we became super close in the 18 months we were together). She wants to stay in touch, but I HATE having to hear what she did over the weekend because I know HE was probably there, so it keeps me connected and I want to be as FAR out of the loop as possible. I don't envy your situation. You can't avoid him professionally, but try to remove yourself as much as you can from his personal life. The bottomline is that the relationship is over, and anything going on in his life doesn't matter and doesn't concern you anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 4:24pm
That was a great scenario. Thanks for the example! I will take it to heart. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 4:43pm
The journal suggestion is a wonderful idea. I started keeping a journal about 2 months after my breakup (3 months ago). It is so helpful to get your feelings out of your head and down on paper. I don't write everyday and sometimes it is 4 or 5 days in between, I just start writing when I feel the need. Alot of the time what I write would make no sense to anyone but me but it really really helps, especially on those bad days that creep up on you out of no where. The best thing is that your journal doesn't lecture you about still struggling emotionally like your family and friends do at times!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 12:43am

Or go read the "who handles break ups better" down two sections. Here's the yahoo link

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/29235/who-handles-break-ups-better

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your