i want us to be friends... huh?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2005
i want us to be friends... huh?
4
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 9:01pm

My ex broke up with about 3 months ago due to some issues that was out of my control. The day we broke up i asked her if we would ever have a 2nd chance and she said probably not, but she wants us to be friends. I said i couldn't do that so I started the healing process of no contact. A month later I get a call and she says I haven't heard from you in a while and wanted to say hi. I was like okay? I kept the convo short and hung up. As fate might have it 2 days later i run into her on accident and I kept the conversation cordial, but during that time she couldn't even look me in the eye. A few weeks later i get an email saying that she was sorry for some of the things that happened while we were together and wants us to stay friends, but understands if i need time. then she says we should grab dinner sometime and that it's her treat.

I'm completely confused on why she wants to be friends with me after breaking up with me. Any insight on why she wants to be friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 9:47pm

I can try to give you some insight. I broke up with my boyfriend in January. I too want to at least be on friendly terms. I went into therapy after the break up, not just due to him, He was my first relationship after ending a 20 year marriage. We fell hard and I desperately hurt him. I am in a new healthy relationship. I have made amends with my ex-husband and I feel that I want not make same mistakes as the past. My therapist suggested that I make amends with everyone in my life, so I tried to be friends with my ex-boyfriend. He however is too hurt to try when he found out that I have moved onto a new relationship. He thought that talking=reconcilation. Once he found out and did not want to talk, I have to respect that, and forgive myself. I told him that being that we live in a small area we are bound to run into each other and that I hope he is prepared.

Now, I certainly don't know the particulars of your situation, but maybe she wants to be friends because she feels bad about how things ending and wants to on some level make it up to you. Just because you break up with someone does not mean that you stop caring about them. Maybe she wants to take the relationship to a new plane. Just my insight. Good luck :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2005
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 10:45pm
it doesn't really seem fair to be friends with an ex, espeacilly if you know that person still has feelings for you. the way i see it, if i become friends with my ex i will get false hopes of getting back together and will be devastated when she finds a new bf. also chances are that our friendship will no longer exist once she finds someone new. so whats the point in being friends with her?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 11:39pm
Hello. She wants to be friends, because you were an integral part of her life at one point in time. It's hard when relationships are ended, because of circumstances you can't control. You both don't hate each other or have hard feelings toward each other. She didn't cheat on you or vice versa. So its harder to let people go when thats the case. Heck my exe and I broke up because he's leaving. Thats the only reason. You know how hard that was for me? It was ridiculous. I was left confused and upset, but had no reason to hate him. He and I are working on being friends... he wouldn't let me not be in his life. I wouldn't look too much into it. She probably just wants to work on a friendship with you. She made it very clear that she just wanted to be friends so thats probably all it is. But its not possible if you arent ready for that. You can't have that false hope that things are going to work out and you are going to get back with her. You have to be completely over her before that will work. If you aren't, it will just lead to a lot of heartache and confusion. SO if you have moved on and have none of those thoughts, work on that friendship if you want to. But you are not obligated to do that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 8:53pm
Maybe the point is for her, not you. I know that in my case it is about wnating to heal. I also feel that since it is inevitable that our paths will cross that being friendly would be easier for both of us.