I was doing ok until...
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| Mon, 10-22-2007 - 3:31pm |
I got another text message from the ex on Saturday night saying that he loved me & was hurt & all this other stuff. I had ignored his text last week but after a few glasses of wine myself that night I caved. I am so confused now.
I've been reading this book called"Getting to I do" and it's making me feel like I wasn't compromising & understanding enough. That I should take a masculine or feminine role in the relationship instead of a narrasissist one. I look back & think about times my patience was running so thin that I would just react without thinking calmly first. I'm wondering if I doomed to be alone coming up on my 35th birthday in a couple of weeks.
I felt betrayed by him & him sneaking around behind my back for 3 weeks calling his ex girlfriend. HE was calling her 10 times a day & sending her text messages. Then after I told him I wanted it to stop and for him to call her in front of me to tell her they could no longer communicate he wouldn't do it. Then months went by and he was calling her female cousin after I told him I felt uncomfortable with him talking to both of them. I have so many mixed emotions. I felt like he didn't have any regard for my feelings. And as time went on he demanded so much of me to help him on a daily basis with his work (while I have my own full time job) that I just couldn't do it anymore.

:Should I have kept going on with this relationship for the sake of being in one & trying to work these things out & be more understanding as this book is making me think?:
no, no, no, no, no, no!!!
it's better to be single. i'm nearly 40 & single & damn proud of not settling.
remember, he won't change. he will cheat. he will lie. (don't believe that his ex was better than you.) he will keep using girls for what he wants.
you deserve the best.
i love the book getting to i do but if it's depressing you right now, put it DOWN chica! read some stuff like the stuff at liftedhearts.com or The Four Agreements. read about how to be single & happy. right now working on making yourself good in a r-ship isn't what you need.
:That I should take a masculine or feminine role in the relationship instead of a narrasissist one:
yeah, none of us are perfect. but how can we take either role if our partner is stuck in the narcissitic one? impossible to be feminine if he's not being masculine...you have NO leader then.
:Maybe I don't know what it takes to be with someone else or have what it takes:
you know, i question myself on this all the time, but then i remember my last 2 boyfriends were liars & one at least, a cheater. what does that make me? damn successful for leaving. the hardest part is leaving. you could have stayed much easier, so don't feel like you don't have what it takes to STAY, you were even stronger than that!
big hugz. you deserve a guy who CARES for you. let your moocher ex go make someone else feel bad. now's the time to exorcize him from your soul, so put down your book that's depressing you & find a book or an activity that'll make you feel like the hot, sexy, single woman that you are!
Edited 10/22/2007 4:11 pm ET by devuchka
Hi curlygrl,
My advice, don't beat yourself up.....
You know what
thank you all so much for your advice & encouraging words. Today is a new, better day for me and I'm ordering that book your recommended Sandra.
I know I did my best with that man (boy) and that's all I can say. Next time I will not let anyone allow me to do things that I don't want to. Like lending him money, or beign understanding about his cheating, lying ways. I will know to nip iut in the bud right then in there & move on. Which is what I am doing with this. I deserve better. Much better.