I Was Doing SO Well...
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| Sun, 10-22-2006 - 2:04am |
Please read "BF Cant Handle Relationship" & "Trying To Stay Out of His Life" for backstory...
Boyfriend basically disappeared due to family issues. Dad with prostate cancer & Mom with a brain disease. Our last convo (after the disappearance) he explained all of this. We still left it that I couldn't be friends with him. That I would want more & I couldnt handle it. I told him he could call if & when he wanted to. That I would be his shoulder to lean on...
It's been 9 days. (When the hell will I STOP counting?!) Anyway, I was actually doing GREAT this time! I guess I had "closure" from the last convo. I understood & didnt want to stress him or bother him. I haven't had any urges to call or text or email. (First time EVER I think!) I've actually left him COMPLETELY alone!
Then, the weekend rolls around. The weekends are always the hardest! It was a mutual friends' bdays yesterday. I didnt go. Obviously, because of W. Mutual friends sent pics. He was there. I figured he would be. But, it still breaks my heart. It's been 9 days since I've talked to him. I guess this isnt bothering him at all. I guess he doesnt miss me at all? He's still going out. Having fun. Hanging out with OUR friends. Whom, I've now lost since I dont want to hang out with him. I'm sad all over again. He's not dealing with his family. He could have certainly kept me in his life. I guess he just didnt want to. I was doing so good.
I thought our last convo was a great talk. I believed his family problems. Meanwhile, my cynical (or maybe smart) friends are calling him a liar & a loser. That he was just making this crap up. Then, my insecurities all come back & I doubt him. Was he lying? I can't imagine someone making up such horrible things!
Does he not think about me? Does he not miss me? I guess I figured I've finally left him alone...I thought he should miss me & worry...I guess I expected him to call by now...
Meanwhile, I'm a wreck. And, I feel like I'm back at day one...
Just wanted to add...I still havent called or texted him, etc. I don't really have an urge to either. I just still want him to think of me, miss me, want me...
I had a family reunion today. 3 different times I was asked about my lovelife. I realized I am the only single one in the family...I'm crying now. I'm hurt. I loved him. I thought he was the one. When will my heart catch up with my head & let him go?
Edited 10/22/2006 2:10 am ET by cherlem

It WILL get better in time. It may take 1, 2 or 6 months to get over him, BUT it'll happen. It's normal to have relapses and go back to "missing him" and stuff. Don't loss your focus and take care of yourself.
I wonder why your friend calls him a liar? He may indeed have family problems. He has to deal with them one way or another and the fact that he was at his friend's hanging out does mean that he's not dealing with this probblems. Everyone needs a break and maybe he needed a break that day.
Edited 10/22/2006 2:26 am ET by lightandbright
Stop.
Thank you Sandra.
I know I can choose to believe him & choose to let go. I believe him about 90%. Lol. But, you know how it is. You just start wondering whys, what ifs, etc & you just dont think straight at ALL when your brain is working 1000 times a minute!
Actually, I mistyped. It really wasn't my FRIENDS telling me he was lying. It was family members. My Mother (who is distrusting with anyone) & a cousin. It's tough to talk to anyone when your own mother doesn't listen to you. Thus, I type to strangers on the internet.
I guess the whole point of yesterdays post was to ask, does the fact that he is hanging out with friends & drinking so often mean he doesn't care about me? (Can't think of a clearer way to ask that.) I was under the impression he liked me & he cared. Well, because he TOLD me that! But, that he just didnt have time/energy for me. This to me means that if & when this family stuff calms down he may come back? So....him going out all the time, not calling me, etc really hurts. I still cannot grasp the concept that he doesn't WANT me in his life right now.
Am I just a complete & utter dumbass?