I was over him,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
I was over him,
3
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 1:21pm

Remember me: Long story short: Over 2 yrs ago my pastor and I were seeing each. Things didn't work out, I left the church hurt.

I moved on with my life and eventually felt I was over him. I missed the church and my friends. Also, he's an excellent speaker. So, I returned to the church. He & I are cordial with one another. A quick hello.

Today, I feel so hurt. An attractive young lady joined the church. He lights up everytime she walks into a room. It's obvious he's into her. He use to light up like that whenever I was around. Now he doesn't light up at all when he sees me. I'm jealous.

My pastor has never been married and until yesterday he never had any children. He annouced to the congregation that he fathered a child 8 yrs ago. Apparently, he just found out about the kid and wants to bring him to church.

His sermon was about decisions/things people make or do that they later regret. The news has shaken me. I not sure if I want to be under the leadership of a man that dates/bangs his female members and have children out of wedlock. Why do I feel so hurt and disappointed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 3:13pm

Heavenly,


I think it is completely natural to feel hurt and disappointed in a situation like this.

Nikki
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 7:13pm
Priests, pastors and ministers are all human above all things. He is being honest and that counts a lot. He is opening his arms to this child. Why he never knew or what the details are who knows. You have two stances, that of a member of the church. If you are a Christian then find compassion and do not judge. If you are hurting as a former love, well, as the other poster said, jealousy and hurt are very real and normal human emotions. It must be very complicated to be in this situation. You must follow your heart and well, pray for guidance. Best of luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 2:31pm

I think your feelings are normal. As long as he wasn't 'involved' with anyone else, you didn't have to deal with the grief of the break-up, the possible feelings of not feeling good enough or feeling like a failure because it didn't work out. But as long as he's interested in women from his church, he's bound to repeat the pattern. In other words, if he did it to you, he'll do it to her (whatever IT is).

Finding a spiritual man, or one that you think is spiritual, it's hard to see them as normal, human beings with the same physical/material needs as you or any other person you might meet or know.

::I not sure if I want to be under the leadership of a man that dates/bangs his female members and have children out of wedlock.

That's your choice.


Carrie