I Wasn't Good Enough

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2007
I Wasn't Good Enough
8
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 1:16pm

Dealing with my bad feelings about myself is making it harder for me to just grieve the loss. I struggle to counter that voice that is telling me I wasn't good enough, and that is why he left.

My highest self knows that is not true. My friends tell me that is not true. Heck, even he doesn't think that is true. This is about me and my self-esteem in or out of a relationship...it's a product of my personal "programming". I know this is where my work on myself is...and I'm looking for ideas on coping with that voice that says over and over to me "you weren't good enough, you weren't good enough". Looking down on him or blaming him is not what I am looking for. Nor am I interested in pursuing another relationship right away. All of that is temporary distraction.

Can others relate?

What do others do to boost self-esteem?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 1:23pm

Hi Claudia,


Make a list of positive affirmations about yourself and repeat them aloud to yourself in the mirror daily.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 1:25pm

What has worked for me was making a switch in thinking from "not good enough" to "not RIGHT for each other" and realizing that not being right for each other doesn't mean either of us is bad or wrong, we're just not right for each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2007
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 5:03pm
Have you tried the mirror/talking thing? Does it really work?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2007
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 5:06pm
I guess because I didn't want to end the relationship, I am having trouble seeing how we aren't right for one another. The only thing I can come up with is that he is no longer participating in the relationship, and so that definately doesn't work and makes us "not right". I know there are many things that were really difficult about our relationship, but I have spent months coping with them and feeling like they were manageable...it's tough to now look at them as "incompatabilities". Should I be trying? I don't know...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 5:11pm

Hi Claudia,


Yes, it works.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 5:38pm

That fact (that he ended it) in and of itself makes you not right for each other.


It's up to you whether you look on the difficult issues as "incompatibilities" or not, but the bottom line is, the relationship wasn't working for him and therefore by definition the two of you can't be right for each other.


Sheri


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2007
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 7:34am

Thanks, Sheri. It would be easier if I had more to go on, but it will have to do. I am beginning to look at the ways I am relieved the relationship is over and examine what was going on there.

Thank you for your support. I feel normal at the moment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 6:24pm

Sheri -

Thank you so much for this post:

"What has worked for me was making a switch in thinking from "not good enough" to "not RIGHT for each other" and realizing that not being right for each other doesn't mean either of us is bad or wrong, we're just not right for each other. There's no blame or judgment attached--we just weren't meant to be as a couple.

It took me a while to get to the point where I could think that and sometimes the old thinking creeps back in, but for the most part, I've been able to make that switch and it really helps (it also helps with dating in general because you take it less personally)."

A few of my close family or friends either want to blame him or me for our break-up. I really need support free of judgement and blame. I come back to what you wrote often.

Thanks again,
Claudia