I will survive

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
I will survive
2
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 10:34pm

Hi All ~

New to this board.

These are my thoughts. No matter if anyone responds, it still feels good just to type it and put it out "there".

It's hard to end a relationship. But, what if that person doesn't enhance you? Make you feel great? Respects you, talks to you, cares about you? Well, it is still difficult. Still makes you want to hang on.

I just got out of a relationship. a little less than a month ago, with a man who was completely shut off emotionally. Divorced three times. Oh, and by the way, the only way I know that, is from a mutual friend...!

It was like we were on a permanent 3rd date. The conversation and depth of the "relationship" was very shallow but we were having way too much fun in bed!

The way we broke up was not exactly the way two mature adults should break up but.. it worked. At least, it did for me.

First, understand this is now a long distance relationship. Basically, we got into a bit of a tif over not returning phone calls. We simply stopped talking to each other?! Weird, huh?

But here's the deal - I know he won't be calling me and honestly, it is a relief. You know that tortured feeling of "when" is he going to call??? I really think knowing deep down inside, he won't be calling has actually made this break up, well, not easy.. but tolerable??

I admit, this is maybe only my 3rd "real" break up (BUT - one was a DOOZEY!! 15 years of marriage). The one thing that has made me stronger this time is that I finally figured out that I am not going to die. Another thing that has helped me, I continually try to find one positive aspect of the relationship and if I can't..well, it's probably a good thing we are no longer together. Easier said than done. I completely agree.

They say it takes half of the time you were in your relationship to "get over it". I was married 15 years and I have been divorced for 7 years. I think they are right. My most recent relationship lasted a little over a year...so, 6 months?? That is long enough to lose 15 lbs!! PS: Ben and Jerry's has made the break up somewhat more tolerable.

I am not trying to make light on anyone's pain. I cry my eyes out some days. I just wanted to share my thoughts.
I just hope you know you are awesome and STRONGER than you could ever imagine! Cherish the moments you feel strong and know you'll get through the dark, sad moments.

I wish everyone well.

It hurts...no matter what.

annie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
In reply to: annie0922
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 5:43pm
i know what you mean about having way too much fun in bed. For me, that has been one of the most difficult things to get over. No matter what was going on with my ex on emotional/mental matters, no matter how bad it got, the sex was out of this world. I am so afraid I will NEVER have that again. And I can't stand not having sex. I'm not the type to find a bed buddy, but man this is tough. I'm like a guy ... I express love through sex, so it's something I want again SOOOOO badly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2006
In reply to: annie0922
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 4:30pm
Thank you for your thoughts, Annie. Yes, One day for me and I WILL survive too. Damn, it does hurt so much though, but I know in just a few days I will start the healing process.
Well, twenty two years of marriage and I have to admit, I quickly found my new love and got right over the marriage. My bf and I have been together 18 months, and I don't intend to sulk for 9 months!!!!!
Oh boy do I know that tortured feeling of "when" is he going to call??? I don't ever want that again. I also know too. I will strongly miss our chemistry in the bedroom. I thought he was the one and only sexiest man on earth.
Let's keep our chins up!