i wish this didn't bother me but it does
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| Mon, 12-04-2006 - 7:18am |
I've been single for well over a year now and my ex and I have been in contact but I think he's now seeing someone. I don't understand... why is it that it can be so hard for a smart, attractive, funny, well-rounded single woman with everything in the world going for her can't find someone, while my ex, who's in debt, acts like a 30-year-old going on 12, is self-involved, has a massive attitude problem, never exercises, drinks a lot and dresses poorly to boot (I need to remind myself why this relationship had to end every now and then ;-) ) can find a relationship even when he hardly seems to care about finding a real relationship with anyone and supposedly thinks marriage is a ridiculous concept?
I know I shouldn't think about this stuff but it's just so unfair. I work so hard to be the best person I can and it's not good enough for anyone.
he really doesn't deserve to be happy in my book because he has no value for it. he's had several girlfriends already and a lot of them sound like he just quietly walks away from them or they get sick of him and dump him.
i know that sounds bitter but that's really how i feel about him. we dated for over three years and when i told him i can't stay with him anymore because he doesn't want to get married he was pretty much like, "ok, thank you for telling me." he said he was sad and all but he didn't even bother trying to fight to keep the relationship. It was as if the whole relationship were just up to me and he was a passive bystander who did significant things to keep it up when it was easy for him or he could benefit for it in some way. i really felt like i was just totally disposable to him. I used to hear him make comments to his guys friends who had broken hearts, just saying "there's a million fish in the sea" and stuff like that, like every woman can just be replaced like a broken toaster.

A lot of what you say and feel rings true with me and I am a man. In my situation my ex turned out to be 28 going on about 16.
"I know I shouldn't think about this stuff but it's just so unfair. I work so hard to be the best person I can and it's not good enough for anyone." That's exactly how I feel along with her not trying and letting things go seemingly so easily.
In the end it's very hard to accept the person for who they turned out to be and the fact that you (and me) were willing to sacrifice for the other person and the relationship and they just wanted out. Friends and family say the other person is not worth it but when you have deep feelings for that person as I did and you probably did they just don't unwind overnight or go away easily.
It has been 7 months in my case. I wish I did not think about it as much but I do. You are not alone and other people struggle with the same type of problems. I don't know if this helps but sometimes it is helpful to hear that others have similar issues.
....."why is it that it can be so hard for a smart, attractive, funny, well-rounded single woman with everything in the world going for her can't find someone,"..... Because you probably have higher standards, and not every man can or should fit the bill.
Hang in there - there's a lot of other people who are in the same boat you are. It's been 4 months for me and I haven't said a word to her. She hasn't tried to contact me either, but then I'm not surprised as she was the one who walked out on me.
Just like you, I really wish it didn't bother me as much as it does: if someone asked me how often the relationship, the times we shared, are on my mind, I would say most of my waking thoughts are still occupied with it.
I'm a pretty analytical person, and I can't figure it out. There's wondering about how things ended up the way they did and a lot of confused feelings. The worst is probably the regret that things are the way they are.
Sorry I don't have anything more constructive - during some moments when I have a bit of clarity, I just chalk it up as a life experience and that it's something that'll never stop bothering me - just an incredibly difficult experience that'll hopefully fade bit by tiny bit as time goes on.