If given the chance, I'd try again.
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 11-28-2004 - 6:10pm |
I just feel that we had some misunderstandings which led to inflexibility on both of our parts. She dumped me because of a stupid fight we had. I, of course, reacted stubbornly implementing the no-contact strategy which backfired big time. We both held out and due to our hard-headed natures, never got another chance to patch things up. I went ahead and moved on. She did, too.
She's with another guy now out of state and I'm with my girl but I can't help but wonder...I get the feeling that my ex is wondering too.
I often think about meeting up with her again and run certain scenarios through my head. I guess I'm just living in a fantasy world. The fact that we're in current relationships with others certainly complicates things.
I don't believe either of us gave ourselves enough time to get over each other. The no-contact thing left so much unresolved. Is it really too late for us? Can it ever be the way it was? Am I just a hopeless romantic who's yearning for his soulmate? I never bought into the whole soulmate thing until I was with her.
I'm tired of the dreaming and wondering. This is no way for anyone to live.

As the "dumper", if she truly believed that your differences were resolvable, she would have contacted you and made it clear she wanted to try to work things out.
She didn't...she moved on. You need to accept that the two of you are not right for each other because she chose not to try.
Sheri
Closure comes from *within*, from accepting that the two of you aren't right for each other. It's NOT something you "get" from talking to the other person, and it usually does much more harm than good.
Sheri
I honestly think this is a big problem now, people are too keen to give up rather than work on things. They'd rather 'hold out' and be the bigger person by waiting for the other to call and apolgize then nothing is solved. Most people's ego and pride are too important to them then contacting the other person, even if you never share it and keep it inside I think everyone wonders what would of/could of happened. I honestly think if you really love them you fight until the bitter end, and you will know in your heart when it's time to give up. I don't want to miss out on the love of my life or something that could of happen just because I am a stubborn person!! I know I have made this mistake in the past and I regret it, I'd rather be the person that called and tried to work soemthing out and atleast be able to say I tried rather than I quit. Isn't there a saying "If it's worth having, it's worth working for." I say call her and maybe just say you were thinking about her and wanted to know how she was doing and if she wanted to go out for drinks one time. I really felt that talking to my ex about us helped give me closure aswell. Just my opinion.. :)
Trixi
You really need to end your current relationship as soon as possible, it is not fair for her to be involved with you when it is clear you do not have the motivation or desire to give yourself to her, she seems to be something to pass the time for you and it isn't fair for her. If you try and attempt contact with your ex while you are still seeing her that seems cowardly in my opinion, you should end your current relationship completely and *then* attempt to contact your ex if you so desire. Of course if your ex does not reciprocate the feelings you will be without either girl but it isn't fair to string her along while you are figuring things out.
I think it is natural during the course of a relationship to be attracted to other people, however, when you seriously consider acting on it (especially when it is someone you have been previously involved with), or you question your feelings for the person you are currently involved with that is an indicator that something is seriously wrong with the relationship.
Other issues aside, it is hard to say whether simply contacting the ex is a good idea or not, she seems to have moved on. Maybe send her something non-intrusive like a letter or an email, give her a chance to respond if she so desires but if not then you know the answer.
Okay. I've taken my lumps on this one. The last thing I want to do is break my girlfriend's heart. At this point, it's Catch-22. At the time I entered into this most recent relationship, I felt sure of my feelings for her. After all the time that's elapsed, I'm still dreaming of my ex - whether voluntarily or involuntarily, it's happening. I'm not dumping anybody and I will be faithful to my girlfriend. But, obviously, the ex is ingrained in my unconscious and subconscious mind. There's no way for me to purge that.
I have a psychic feeling that there's still unresolved business between my ex and me. I know it sounds stupid but I just have that feeling that one day, she'll show up. The question is, do I go with my heart or my head? Either way, someone's gonna get hurt.
I want the dreams to stop! I can't take it anymore. I am beginning to feel guilty about it but I haven't done anything wrong. How could a woman affect my brain this much? And, am I having a similar affect on her? I won't be the one to initiate contact so I guess I have to go on living through this self-inflicted Purgatory of never really knowing. Because if I know one thing about my ex, it's that she's just as stubborn and full of pride as myself.
Thanks to all who ripped me and those who empathized with me. After reading my own post, I've come to realize that I'm one confused dude.